I was pleasantly awakened this morning by a long-haired gray and white kitty jumping on my bed. Ash burrowed under the covers next to my neck and face! Inwardly I froze because I knew if I made the wrong move towards her it could in badly for me. When she feels threatened she has no hesitation in striking out with her claws. My throat was covered with a blanket for which I was grateful.

Unable to talk because she was pressed against my face. I laid very still and waited to see what she would do. She finally moved off me a little bit and turned to look at me. I closed my eyes praying to God that she would not get scared and lash out.

I so wanted to touch her, stroke her and tell her I loved her. But instead, I just laid there trying to relax and take in the moment. When Magoo entered into the bedroom, she of course startled and flew off me. I was thankful for the blanket protecting my throat otherwise it could’ve been a little bit painful.

But it’s a start of the trust beginning to re-form between us  I know at this point if I take the reins and decide what to do next it could go sideways very quickly. So she is the leader in this case. I will take my cues from her. I have to add that I keep seeing her in a more relaxed state in the house. Generally she hides underneath my recliner. I had to disconnect my electric recliner and buy a footstool. Kitties hiding underneath recliners is not a good thing. They can become damaged, hurt even killed through the mechanisms for the electric chairs as well as the static chairs. In rescue we’ve had too many of these types of injuries arrive here over the years.

I will sit back and see what she does next. Hopefully I will continue to read her correctly and advance in our trust slowly. She is now my dance partner. The next steps are up to her.

Also apologies about my wish list. I’m dealing with a computer crash on my PC and I believe it’s all connected.

I believe my experiment is working. Ash is now being spotted in the house during the day which is quite uncommon to how it was before. Both her and Magoo are claiming their favorite sleeping spot. I know she is there in the night, but I leave her completely alone because that’s the plan. If I go in the kitchen and she’s on the post,  she doesn’t jump down and flee. I can see her from my peripheral view. I make no eye contact whatsoever.

Last night while cooking dinner, she was sitting up on top of the post and watching me like a hawk, but she was not disappearing. I do miss the days when I could actually touch her and pet her even though she would swat at me afterwards.

I miss my Molly girl, it’s been one year since she went to The Bridge. With so much going on right now in the world and in my life, I miss her constant presence of warmth, purring and calm. I believe that Magoo is picking up on my stress level. He actually laid in my lap yesterday for about two hours. He wasn’t being a whirling dervish he was being very calm. I needed that more than anything.

Besides what’s happening on the world scale right now, which there’s nothing I can do about that, My truck has been very sick. It has managed to swallow anything extra I have managed to save. Money that I was hoping to use for my cats. Unfortunately it’s still is sick and I have it parked because I cannot drive it right now. It’s not reliable or dependable and we are stuck because parts are not available to fix it.

The weather here has turned brutal. Icy cold wind while the sun is out in the day is a little bit hard to wrap your head around. My canned cat food supply sits at six cans and my dry food which you can’t find locally in large bulk anymore, unless you’re extremely lucky, or you get to the store first before everybody else is dwindling. I don’t have any reserve now because of the truck situation. I am just a bit stressed right now I guess you could say. For so many reasons. So I am grateful that Magoo is trusting me and he is trying to become a normal lap kitty . Of course if I sneeze or cough he takes off for the hills. (Also known as my bed).  he burrows underneath all the covers hiding from the sneeze monster! I seem to have worse allergies in the winter time than I do in the summertime, go figure.

to anyone who is reading this. Please just take care of yourself and your loved ones. Make sure that those you treasure in your life know that they are your treasures. Continue to stay safe, sane and hug those four-footed lovelies in your life

After careful thought regarding Ashes inherent fear of me following that pooping incident the other day. I have devised a plan which I pray will work.

The kittens have a favorite spot to sleep, it’s a cat post located in my office in a dark corner. It’s a custom-made beauty, eight feet tall, consisting of three levels plus three hidey holes   Four days ago, I moved it from my office into my dining room. I am hoping in moving this favorite spot of hers, she will in time go back to her favorite sleeping spot. Even when I am in the kitchen cooking or cleaning.

She already knows that her food arrives out of the kitchen. Hopefully that will put her a bit at ease. These were my thoughts as I was moving the cumbersome object to its new location. Also this time, they have a room with a view because it’s right by my dining room window.

Yesterday morning, when I turned on the kitchen light she was sleeping on the top of the post. Of course she skedaddled the minute she saw me. But it’s a start. My plan is to ignore her when she’s up there, until comes the day when she once again can accept my presence in the room without fleeing. I know I desperately want this day to come tomorrow, but we are working on her schedule and not mine. I see matted hair on her chest and neck forming. She is due for a flea treatment, but there is no way I can get close to her without her going ballistic, repeating the fear she feels.

I cannot treat her as if she’s feral, because she’s not. PTSD and being feral are two different entities. Magoo is already claiming his spot on the post, so I am hoping she will once again return and over time, we will find our way back to each other.

It’s a cat-and-mouse game between us now. At this point I’m just not sure who will come out victorious her or me? I am praying it’s will be me.

The plan of action regarding Ashley is to take no action at all. I have been ignoring her since the last incident, where she got so scared that she couldn’t stop pooping on herself. I did talk to a few cat behaviorists that I know and  other than supporting my Bach Flower remedy choice- Aspen-(which now goes into water bowls in the house) they agreed that minimizing the threat she feels she is under is the best choice

If I were to press the issue and force her to endure being picked up or held/restrained in any fashion- all the  small positive strides we have made together would quickly vanish  Plus it would freak her out to the point that she might not return back to me the way that I know her to be.

As hard as it for me to refrain from “trying” to fix her,  and to accept the “do no harm” aspect  This is how it must be  pushing her to accept what I believe she needs, that is not what she needs. Sometimes in our attempt to get it right. We can get it so wrong.She did come out yesterday and say hello to me, so her trust is gradually returning. However when I reached down to try to pet her she fled.

When I say that I am ignoring her, I don’t mean that I’m not feeding her or taking care of her (just to make that clear). Her Achilles heel seems to be Friskies canned prime fillets (chicken fish flavored). So I have been leaving dots of it around the house for her to find. No strings attached.

Our wintertime cat food supply is dwindling. Should anyone care to help us out we could sure use more canned food at this time. The weather is still bitter cold at night. Right now we’re sitting at 27°F. It’s 6 o’clock in the morning and I just went out to feed. They seem to like it when I warm up the food in the microwave first .

When I accepted these burn kittens into our care, I had no idea the challenges that would result from it. It is 3:44 a.m. right now and about two hours ago, I woke up to a horrendous crash upstairs. Both Ash and Magoo flew down the stairs as I came out of the bedroom. There was poop flying out of Ash’s bum- this is something she has displayed after her long stay at the vet when she first got here. It’s a stress reaction. It is PTSD at its smelliest. It is so sad that she displays this. She will poop on herself when she is stressed out and that stress can be as simple as taking mats out of her long fur, or taking her temperature to see if she is sick.

Her eyes become so dilated once she is even gently restrained. Scruffing her is out of the question, this is met with her whole body going stiff and then the trembling starts. She will bite, she will scratch and she will growl throughout the whole restraining process and through it all, poop will start flowing out of her.

My shelf upstairs had collapsed, they were rough-housing and running amuck which is what they do through-out most of the night. It took me about an hour to locate her. She had clawed a hole in one of our couches and was hiding within. She was stiff as a board, but unhurt and covered in poop from her rear down to her tail. I wrapped her up gently and took her into the bathroom to clean her up. I knew, that this was going to be a lost cause. Because when you bathe her, she poops all over you, the bucket, herself. It’s really a no-win situation.She can be perfectly clean after the bath and picking her up and putting her on the floor, she will poop again. It’s maddening.

I’ve said this before, I don’t have proof, but I think she was mishandled while she was gone. When she was finally released back to us, we noticed she was deathly afraid of hands. It always brings me to tears when she displays this behavior. They have been de-wormed, they have been de-flead routinely. She is not sick, she is eating, drinking and even using the litterpans normally. She has a new pheremone collar on right now. (I keep a stock of these on-hand because they work so well.)

Right now, she is decompressing in our bathroom. I know her bum is really stinky and dirty, but going in there to wipe her off or give her another butt bath will only cause her to poop all over herself.

They are both so sensitive to noise, change, any variation of their routine will send Magoo hiding so efficiently it can take days to find him, and she will send poop flying everywhere.I don’t want to take her back to the vet where she developed this behavior. She has done this since she returned which is why I know she isn’t ill. They don’t go outside, they don’t even want to go outside. I never have to worry about them rushing the door when I am carrying groceries in or doing other things. They are the only cats in the house right now.

In the morning, I am going into town to a shop that carries the Bach Flower Remedies and see what Gloria might recommend to calm this situation down. I’ve had enough cats in my care to know that if she did have a bacterial infection or some sort of parasite, my floors would be covered in poop and pee. She uses the litter pans and only presents the flying feces when she feels stressed. It’s why they both were returned a month after they were adopted out. The family could not deal with the fact that they are not “normal” kitties.

They will be here till the end, or they will be the end of me! LOL I am not sure what will come first. I just keep trying things, but even the simple act of picking her up to pet her can become a stinky situation. I will not give up on them, I just had to vent. Now that is 4 a.m I will go outside and feed early and try to catch a nap before the sun comes up.

People sometimes ask me why I take the high-risk rescues, this is why,  because I never give up until I absolutely have to. Look at this beauty- would you give up on her?

Earlier this morning I put an empty cardboard box at the head of the stairs. It holds a portion of my Christmas decorations so it’s a long flat cardboard box. I haven’t taken my outside decorations down yet. I planned on doing that this weekend. About an hour later I hear this really strange sliding noise coming from the stairs. I had no idea.

Imagine my surprise when I saw at the foot of the stairs, Ashley, she was sitting inside the box. She didn’t look anxious or upset. I surmised  what happened was she jumped inside the box  since half the box was sitting on the landing and the rest was hanging over the stairs, the weight of this kitty caused the box to tip downwards, toboggan down the stairs to the bottom. She was not hurt, nor was the box damaged. I think she liked the ride though. Perhaps she is enjoying her own sense of the Olympics? Silly kitty