All I can say, is I wish I had wrote it!
I found your cat, and she’s way cooler than you are. (Saint Augustine)
That title is a bit misleading. Your cat found me, actually. And she totally rocks, so I’m almost glad that you’re such a shortsighted idiot. She showed up about two years ago to eat out of a nearby dumpster, but she didn’t trust people enough to let anyone near her. Everyone in the area naturally assumed she was feral. It took about a year and a half before she would even let me get close enough to pet her, but then something strange happened; once she did let me pet her, she decided I was her human. She became really affectionate. Greeted me when I came home from work. More or less lived on our porch for the last six months. Once it started getting colder, she even took to jumping into our laps when we were sitting outside. It was a pretty crazy transformation from the skittish little thing I met two years ago. So we took her to the vet earlier this week, (because it’s pretty obvious no one is coming back for her, and the weather has been getting much too cold for a seven pound ball of fur to just be left to the elements) and we found out the damndest thing. The vet found a little tattoo on her belly, and said that it meant she was not just spayed, but had previously been adopted. Now, that’s great news for us, because not only did we no longer have to worry about adding on the additional fee of getting her spayed to her tests and shots, but once we brought her inside, she loved it. I was worried she’d feel caged, but apparently this is the pampering she has been wanting for a while now. She sleeps on the bed, gets along well with our dogs, and loves to snuggle. She’s a great little cat. But I wanted you to know, if you figured you’d just abandon your pet when you moved away, and she’d be fine- you were right. She’s fine. She lived the last two years of her life eating out of a dumpster, afraid to let anyone touch her, and living off of lizards, mice, and (at least on one occasion that I witnessed) bats, but she’s fine now. She has been adopted, and most certainly has adopted us as well. I also wanted to clarify something for you. If you ever, “adopt” another pet in the future, that word comes with a certain promise. It means that, “I am your person, and you are my animal” you kind of belong to each other after that. It’s your job to shelter them, your job to feed them and keep them healthy, and if you can’t bring them with you when you move- it’s your job to find a new f@#%ing apartment that does allow pets. If you can’t handle that, maybe next time, you should adopt a damn plant. Don’t forget to water it, jerk.