Mike used to tell his friends, that I was the only woman he knew that could go to the grocery store for milk and come back with a cat! Last night, his prophecy again came true. It has been so unbearably cold here recently. I ran out of cream for my coffee so I went to Safeway to get some. As I type this sentence, I feel quite shameful for saying this, as our friends and neighbors in Texas are suffering so mightily from not having power during one of the worst snowstorms for Texas in History. I have friends there, and I am keeping in touch with them over texting. One friend has had her pipes burst two days ago, they have sporadic power, never long enough to accomplish anything. But they are also preppers, so they have food and safe water and will come out okay in the end. They are powerless to help any neighbor because they live so rurally. But here, in Oregon, in frigid weather, my worst problem is no cream for my coffee! Forgive me Lord.

So I run to Safeway and as I pull into the parking lot. Kota (who has his head out the window in 32 degree weather! He starts getting anxious and whining. At first, I thought he might have to go pee, but he was acting different. In front of the Safeway store, there is a chain of ghost stores that have long gone out of business. He was pacing the truck and whining and he nudged my arm hard enough for me to veer off to the side of the parking lot!

I stopped my truck in the middle of those chains of stores and got out to talk to him. If he had to go potty, there was a field right behind the stores where he could do so. But he’s never been that adamant when he has to pee. As I hopped out of the truck, to let him out, I glanced over to the end of the ghost stores and that is when I saw the cat! At first, I thought it was dead. It was lying at the end of what used to be the barber shop. In the view of the headlights and how it was lying so still. I thought it had been hit by a car.

I grabbed a towel and ran over. The cat did not even move at my approach. When I got closer, it raised it’s head ever so slightly. It gave one meow and then the head went thunk on the pavement!
I only had one carrier in the truck and it was Kota’s old dog kennel. I wrapped this orange cat into the towel (Oh my God he stank) He smelled like a smell I was familiar with (unfortunately) he smelled like Mike’s leg smelled before they amputated it. He smelled like gangrene! I put my hand under his leg to find his heartbeat. It was faint but it was going! Forgetting all about the cream, I hustled him home.

He is now in the same kennel that I put him in last night. He is alive (but barely) he has been suffering by the looks of him, for a very long time. He has no muscle and no fat on any part of his body. His tail is black, whether that is the source of the gangrene, or his ear that is also black might be the culprit. It is hard to say. I tried to give him some cat food, but he went almost catatonic after eating it. By that I mean, he was frantically pawing at his mouth- and he would hunch over in crouch in the back of the kennel in the strangest position and just freeze. Almost like he was seizing? Has he not eaten in such an enormous length of time that this happens?

Using a ballpoint pen, I gently pried his mouth open and I could see that there was a wound on the side of his face and it had actually penetrated all the way into his mouth. My heart wept. I had some babyfood, so I offered this to him. He ate 3 jars before he started pulling at his mouth again. I don’t think that my vet has enough magic in his bag to save this boy’s life! I am calling him Pan in respect to Peter Pan because he is definitely one of the Lost Boys.

He has spent the night in my bathroom, and now my bathroom also smells like gangrene. With his ear and his tail, I am sure one of those is the culprit behind the smell. He has not pooped or peed. I am thinking he might have an invasive cancer like squamous cell carcinoma, based on how hammered his ear looks.

As it turns out, the other day, I made a vet appointment for this morning at 9:20 for Bentley, whose stomatitis has gotten out of control. I was handling it for awhile with slippery elm tree bark (powdered) and sprinkling the concoction on his wet food. But it is seasonal, this disease and in the wintertime, it takes on a life of its own. So it is time for another steroid shot. In two hours, the clinic will open and I will make a call and see if I can either bring both cats in, or make an appointment for Bentley later on. Pan is the urgent one in need of help right now.

I just went into the bathroom to see him and offer him more baby food. I had to put the plate right up against him (I believe he is also blind). But right now, although he ate up all the food, he does not have it in him, to move from his place of comfort, so I  can examine him further. I guess it really doesn’t matter. I believe his life of pain and torment will be ending shortly after 9:20 this morning. Notice the black ear?

Once again, my Wonder Dog comes through and alerts me to a critter in great peril. God, I love this dog so much!

Everybody, stay safe please? I almost feel like asking for a roll call of people still out there- what with Covid, this wild weather and the strangeness that is occurring now throughout the United States! Me, I am still unvaccinated (Oregon has made a mess of vaccine roll outs) I am staying in my own corner of the world and even though I don’t really want to actively rescue anymore, God clearly sees that I must.

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I wish I had one of Magoo, but I was told that she sleeps in late (under the bed) and only comes out after the owner gets out of bed. These photos were taken from the mom before she had to go to work.  Here is Ash and Fearless Freddy-

Better Late Then Never- here is Magoo. You can tell by his eyes that he isn’t all that relaxed at the moment, but I have hopes that soon that will change. Freddy may also be coming back. He has started to do what he did here for awhile- pee on fresh laundry and my bed. The family will take into considerations some of the tips I have offered first- to take him to the vet and get something that will calm him down. Spread dried lime and orange peels on the bed (cats hate citrus) I find it amusing that one of the lead litter companies is now introducing a lemon-based clumping litter! Good luck with that. Someone did NOT do the research.

Anyway, here is Magoo

I can still see a bit of distrust in Ash and I expected that. But I know that I could not have placed these kittens in a better home. Just to hear that the first two nights in their new home, when Ash and Magoo refused to come out of their carriers, The new owner actually slept on the floor with his head in front of the carrier talking to them softly and reassuring them that they are safe- you don’t find that type of understanding and commitment in just anyone. Hoping I can see a photo of Magoo soon.

Apparently, the resident cat isn’t very impressed with the kittens playing with her ears and tail and so she has found a way to get back at them. Unless she is fed first, she will jump on the platform the kittens are eating on and push their bowls of food on the floor! LOL You have to love the ingenuity of an Alpha Maine Coon cat! Now she gets fed first.

I just got off the phone with Jessi. She told me that Fearless Freddy has been an absolute tornado in the home. He is interacting with all the people, loves to play (he plays hard) I am sure that Gage is scratched beyond belief if he and Freddy play as he played here with me.

Jessi said that Gage was so concerned with how scared and trembling Magoo and Ash were displaying that he strayed up all night with them! He was laying the on floor next to the carriers, and he was talking and singing to them softly.   YES! It was the right place to put these babies. My heart is lighter. I suggested he take a thin t-shirt and do a work out. Make that t-shirt just soak up his sweat then take it off and lay it in the carrier so they could get used to his sweat. I also told him his sweaty socks would also work. One sock in each carrier.

On another note, I do not know who just sent us 2  18 pound bags of Purina Natural. There was no shipping slip in the box. But THANK YOU so much! We are still in danger of not having enough wet food to get the cats through all of the winter we have left. We are having frigid temperatures all next week. So they will just get extra dry food and water in the heated trough.

I can’t thank anyone on Facebook anymore. I made a decision to exit Facebook. My page will go dark on the 29th of this month. At first withdrawing from social media (and that is what it is for me) like a drug. It was difficult. I felt like something major was lacking in my day. FB does not make it easy for you to leave them. It took me ten tries before I was able to fully access the delete my account page.

After I notified them that I was leaving, I am getting slammed with emails from FB telling me everyone was missing me and asking about me. (Yeah right). I’m just waiting for the day when the page goes dark and the emails stop coming. I am going to start back up with writing my book and doing productive projects around here to get this place in shape. I just claimed my bedroom back and I was so excited to finally be able to sleep in my bed again..

My kittenless bedroom!

Yesterday, I experienced the hardest adoption day of my life. Not because the home wasn’t up to par, far from it. It is a quaint set of cottages facing the Santiam River up in the mountains. The family was wonderful. The actual saying goodbye (especially to Magoo and Ash (Orange boy has already taken over the home). It was the paralyzing terror, that I saw Magoo in before I left. I left my cat carriers there for comfort. Jess will return them when the two kittens have adjusted.

Poor Magoo, he was clear in the back of the cat carrier- his body arched not in anger, but just in complete terror. I picked him up, and loved on him to say goodbye, but he was trembling so badly. It broke my heart. I told him he was in a good place and I had already told the family if the kittens can’t adjust. I would take one or all of them back in a hot second. Ash was also a ball of nerves and who can blame them? They were left (not intentionally) by their mom, then I abandoned them for all those times they were at the vets. I couldn’t go visit because of Covid.. Now, I was leaving them in good hands for the final time. Add to it the PTSD left over from their fire experience. I just pray the two of them adjust over the next week.

But my heart is heavy this morning and the house seems so empty. My eyes are sad. I have never been affected to this extreme during an adoption before.Sending all my strength to my two kittens this morning and hoping that they have at least eaten by now.

Today will be the final day for the burn kitties. They will go to their new home this afternoon. I shall miss their presence very much, but I will not miss the chaos they leave in their wake. It will be nice to claim my bedroom back and sleep once again in my own bed, instead of a mattress on the living room floor.

I think back to when they arrived in September and how after only 24 hours with them, I knew they were in a bad way. How many times I kept taking them back to the vet’s office until I finally got someone to listen to me about what I saw and experienced while they were here. As it was nothing the vets were accustomed to- a rectal and colon infection, it was missed several times. Finally, I asked their care be handed back to my regular vet and once that happened, I had someone on the other end that not only listened to what I had to say, but actually did something about it. Then the healing began.

It is going to be hard to say goodbye to the three of them. We have been through many trials by fire in our short time together. They leave still bearing the scars of their early trauma. Magoo will suckle anything soft- Ash will suckle her brother’s earlobes. Both kitties are very sensitive to their environment and any changes. Fearless Freddy will still attack toes and feet and try to escape outside at every opportunity. I have prepared cliff notes for the new owners to let them know of the differences in all of these kittens. I have asked them to lower their expectations on what they want these kittens to do for them, and just let them decompress and adjust to their new life.

Before I leave them, we will all pray together that God will help guide them and keep the babies safe from harm. Jessie lives up on the mountain far from town in a once thriving but now abandoned set of cabins and a lodge. Her and Jericho live in the main house and her kids fill up the remaining five cabins. But they are in the midst of the woods and I do not want these kittens (especially Fearless) to get outside by accident and go looking for me.

So it is going to be a bit of an emotional time for me and adding to it is the encroaching wedding anniversary for Mike and I. I probably will not be able to keep myself together as we have grown quite close to each other, me and these challenging babies. I know they cannot stay and that the catio is under construction but not quite finished. Molly will be happy they are gone, but it will be a few days before I find my smile again.

I have less than a week left to enjoy the company of the burn kitties. I look back to when they arrived. how sick and in sad shape they were in. Initially, when we got them, we were unaware of the horrors they lived through in the first days of their birth. The evidence would unfold as we started just giving them basic care. I don’t think I will ever forget the feelings of helplessness I felt when their first bowel movement consisted of so much crud in their stomach, none of it actual food. They have all come so far. I am so proud of them. The screams of Ash as I gently stimulated her still ring in my ears. Never have I encountered so much pain and torment from a kitten with her eyes still not opened.

Fearless Freddy, the orange boy is literally not scared of anything. He meets each new challenge head on- whether it was the first time he was introduced to Kota, or he heard the running of the vacuum. Nothing phases him. I do not know his back story. All I know is that he ducked into a merchant’s shop during a bad thunderstorm. He was freezing, wet, hungry and she labeled him (inappropriately) as feral. He was not feral, he was lost and scared and she didn’t know  how to handle such a frightened kitten and got bit in the process.

Freddy loves ice cubes. He will push them across the floor until they melt and then lick up the water. When he hears the ice maker chunking, he will come skidding into the room and stand underneath the maker, hoping that I might miss the glass and one will fall on the floor. It invariably does! Strange how that happens?

His favorite day is laundry day. He loves to jump into a pile of warm laundry and burrow down into the warmth to sleep. He is so funny and such a charmer. Once he loses the warmth on top of the basket, he will hop down and using claws and teeth, he will pull each item of clothing out of the laundry basket through the holes in the sides! Once he gets to where there is warmth again, he will hop in and sleep until his bed goes cold then repeat the process. The silly goof. He is no longer peeing on the warm clothes so it looks like his personal demons are finally at rest,

Magoo continues to be afraid of anything new that comes his way. If he hears a new noise, or is someone visits here, be it a friend or a repairman. Magoo simply will vanish. He  is very adept in hiding.. I believe it depends on how scared or threatened he feels at the time.

Magoo has been treated several times since his arrival with hematomas to his bottom ear lobes. At first I was puzzled to what was causing this to occurl until one afternoon, I went in to see the babies only to find out that Ash had latched herself onto her brother’s ear lobe and was sucking it like it was mom’s milk. After that episode, Bitter Apple came into play.I have to put it on Magoo’s ear at least three to four times daily. The stuff is nasty. I use a cotton ball, and just picking up the cotton ball in my bare fingers, I can actually taste the bitterness in my mouth. After that experience, I always wear rubber gloves and make sure to give Magoo a tasty treat immediately afterward.. It does keep his fur a bit oily no matter how much or little I apply, but it did also stop the traumatic vet visits to drain the hematomas.

For Ash she is still skittish over moving hands coming at her. Sometimes, she will run away in terror, until I started feeding her directly out of my hands. Now she just backs up, waiting to see what the hands might want to do to her. It is quite sad to witness, but of all the three kitties, she was the sickest. With an extremely infected rectum due to the foreign material she had to pass through her system. She is also the largest so was able to digest larger pieces of gravel. Poor kitty.

She is quite loving though. Not keen on being picked up for very long, but if I am sitting on the floor, she is the first to approach and wants head scratches and chin rubs. I know they are going to a good place. I am grateful for all the love, support, prayers and donations that came our way to help these four babies out. I couldn’t have done it alone.

Here are before and after shots so you can see in one glance, how far they have come since they arrived here.

On another note, I was recently interviewed about caring for stray and feral kittens for an upcoming article in Catster. Through the interview, I tried to release a lot of my tips and tricks in working with scared and frightened kittens that were not used to humans. I am looking forward to seeing it in print and hope, that the tips left will help people in dealing with these wonderful babies. The author of the article is Dusty Rainbolt. Dusty wrote Kittens for Dummies, Cat Wrangling 101 and her latest book is Finding Your Lost Cat. All three books are worthy to add to your cat library.

Eleven days ago, I received a phone call from the husband of a friend of mine. He was quite distraught over an incident that occurred with his cat and his wife. He was not making much sense ( very rattled by what he witnessed) but according to the fragments that were relayed to me. (I have yet to speak to his wife). There was a fight between his cat and one other new one in the house. When his wife went into the room, she bent down to pick something up off the floor. I don’t know what that something was but suddenly the cat launched at her! She screamed as the cat raked her leg. She ended up having to go to the ER and they were stitching up her wounds (14 stitches)

He asked if I could take the cat- we normally do not take owner-surrender cats here. I told him I was sorry, but I couldn’t. Then he started texting me repeatedly in the matter of about a half an hour. I was on the phone calling everyone that I knew that did rescue trying to find a place for this cat as he was texting me. I knew he was desperate and I was afraid for the cat.

His last text alarmed me. It simply said “Sorry to have bothered you. He’s gone!”

I was so unsettled, but God was still working in the day and I received a text from someone who could take him, but not until the 16th when four of her rescues would transition out into the barns. I called her, we talked, I told her I could keep him until then.

Calling his wife, I was told it was okay. They had found a place for the cat. His uncle lives near them, has barns and acreage and they were taking him there. I hung up feeling relieved, until I received another text from the wife saying to call her husband now!

I called him and he was sobbing hysterically. He couldn’t do it. His plan had been to just leave the cat in the  middle of nowhere with food and water,  but after he drove away and saw the cat trying to follow him. He broke down and couldn’t do it. I told him that I had found a place for the cat. A safe place and bring the cat to me. “Scratch” (his new name) is now upstairs.

When he arrived and he is a BIG orange boy. It was quite the chore to lug him upstairs. I had prepared the room ahead of time, blocking the door to attic (that swings inward) I covered the futon with a king size dark blanket so he could hide underneath if he wanted to. He had food, water and litter pans available as well. I put the carrier on the floor and opened the door. He would not come out. I left him to decompress.

When Scratch first arrived, he chose to stay hidden under the futon. I would feed him three times a day, give him clean water and just leave him alone. On the third day, he had moved from where he had been under the futon and gone to the closet. I did manage that day to look at him and noticed that although he was a large cat, he was quite skinny. His eyes, when we first meant were mean. He was not scared, He was terrified. I backed off. I did not wish to get attacked.

I have asked nothing of him until a few days ago. The gal couldn’t come and pick him up on the 16th as planned, so she will be here tomorrow to make the transfer. I put a dog crate upstairs a few days ago and have been feeding him in there. He started coming out from under the futon and being with me (head-bumping my legs all the time) on the 5th day here.When he moved back out of the closet to duck under the futon again, I shut the closet door.

If I dared to pet him, just barely touch the top of his head lightly, he would scoot back under the futon. So I stopped trying. Now he will stay out all the time I am in the room, except if I drop something by accident or open up a trash bag to collect his waste. It took him three days before he started eating and using the litter pans. The meanness in his eyes is now gone, but I do carry a broom with me when I go into the room just in case. I do not know what his triggers are. I have a feeling that even though he is neutered, if he does charge the door (which he hasn’t). He could do great harm to Molly and the kittens. I don’t want to take that chance.

He is more relaxed and I am sad that he is leaving tomorrow as we are making small strides with him. But I know that I cannot keep him. It’s just not possible right now. Plus I think the farther he gets away from his old life the better. New name, new life. I’m getting text messages from his former owner who is worried about his cat’s separation anxiety and mental health. I keep assuring him, all is good. This cat does not have separation anxiety. He has a trust issue.

He is really quite sweet. I am able to pet him now without him fleeing in fear back under the futon. Yesterday, when I went to feed, he was sleeping on top of the futon on the warming blanket! I cursed myself for not having my phone on me to snap a photo.

But, here are some photos of him from first day until now-

..

I know the gal that is going to be working with him. It’s the same gal who took several of my feral cats when I left during the fires. He will be worked with gradually and when ready, if she can’t find a proper home for him, He will be to the point where he can get along with others and just join her barn crew. That’s a long time down the road.

I feel sorry for this boy. He has a lot to overcome, but orange kitties are pretty resilient. I have hopes he will have bright future.

On a further note- the burn kitties are going great! They  just got neutered and are back here waiting for pick-up day which is Feb. 4th. The new owner is making sure the catio is ready for them. She got injured and was in the hospital for four days which set her plans back.

Please everyone stay safe and healthy. Thank you to those of you who still support what is done here for these cats. The food/funds sent were such a welcome relief.

I’m not sure who wrote this song, but many years ago, when I sang with a female barbershop group in Alaska and we were performing (and won) in Seattle, we sang this song. It has been circling in my head in the last few days:

Let there be Peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.
Let there be Peace on Earth, the Peace that was meant to be.
With God as our Father, Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my Brother, in Perfect Harmony..

Let Peace begin with Me, Let this be the moment Now.
With every step I take, Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment and Live each moment in Peace Eternally.
Let there be Peace on Earth and Let it Begin with Me.”

May God watch over us All-

If anyone is still reading this blog that is covered in cobwebs, thank you for that. Even my keyboard is dusty and covered not in cobwebs, but cat hair. The burn kitties are getting so big! They are still showing unique signs of PTSD and I am beginning to think that I might be the trigger. Aftr all, I am the culprit that kept repeatedly taking them back and forth to the vet, trying to get the vet to figure out what was wrong with them. They are scheduled for their neuters/spay on the 21st of this month and then they will all three go together to their new home. Perhaps being out of my hands, will help their anxiety to lessen. That is my hope.

Here are some of the latest photos of these beauties. I am so proud of them. They have come so far and are going to be wonderful cats growing forward:

Now I am asking for cat food for the cats here. This winter is starting out on a brutal note. We’ve already had several pipes from the irrigation well shatter and burst because of the cold. Thankfully, the build they did on the house recently has left the house pipes a lot more insulated than they were before. I have had to beef up the amount of wet food that I am feeding and we are running low now. I have 18 cans left before I will have to resort to just dry food. We are down to two 30 pound bags of Cat Chow. If you can help- we are currently feeding Meow Mix (wet) and fancy feast- anything but beef. For some reason, the only thing the cats want to do with the beef flavored is bury it! If you can help either by sending funds to Paypal to catsatrisk@comcast.net or sending food directly- we would be grateful.I am currently feeding 24 cans a day to all the cats. Twelve in the morning, and twelve in the evening. I have completely cut off the afternoon feedings. I just can’t afford it.

If you did not receive an email from us yet about your donations this year, please let me know. Things have been a bit chaotic recently but I have sent out all the receipts and thank you letters. I am grateful for the support more than you know. This will be the first time in eight years that we were not able to settle all our vet debt by the end of the year. But right now, the priority is food for the kitties. It’s essentially how they stay warm in the frigid nights that have invaded us.

I have flunked Kitty Proofing 101. I very carefully kitty proofed the patio room so the kittens wouldn’t just be stuck in the bedroom and yet this morning, I go into the room and missing are Magoo and Ash. They were nowhere to be found. I knew they weren’t in the bedroom. The places they could escape to, had been well-sealed up. So they had to be in the patio but where?

Popping a couple of cans of cat food, I listened in the silence, but it was early morning and people were going about their day on the highway. I had to wait until the traffic lessened up (so much for everyone staying home) before I heard the tinniest of meows.

I followed the sounds and discovered both kittens had somehow found their way past the blocking of the washer and dryer. I am still trying to figure out how they got back there? But, there they were, stuck behind the washing machine.

The machine is heavy, moving it, I had to be careful. Both the kittens were perched on top of the two hoses coming out of the back of the machine. I didn’t want one falling and getting squished by the machine.

Finally I freed them. So that I could fix the mistake and re-kitty-proof that area, I put them in the bedroom and shut the door. I think what happened is they must have fallen off the top of the machine trying to go through the smallest of holes by the hoses and gotten stuck clinging to the hose.

Hopefully, I have fixed the problem and there won’t be a repeat performance but hey, they are kittens! I have appointments for them to get spayed the first one i could get was Jan 20th not soon enough, but at least I got them in.

Two years ago today, God called Michael for his final curtain call. “Exit Stage Left.” In true dramatic style, Michael took his last breath of life at the stroke of midnight. That was the day, the music died for me.

I miss you, Sweet Man. My Alaska Sourdough. I am so glad that we connected initially through letters,  where we became good friends. Phone calls would soon follow and as the Internet wasn’t available back then, we would resort to cassettes passed back and forth from California to Alaska. We went from good friends, to Best  Friends with God staying in the center all the while.

I will never forget landing in the Anchorage Airport for our first in-person meeting. No one was there to meet me as I deplaned. “Maybe,” I said to myself, “because this is Alaska, they do it differently here. Perhaps you have to go to baggage claim first?” So I went downstairs to baggage claim. The only thing there was my luggage.

Going back upstairs to the Gate, still no one to meet me left me feeling a bit confused. I had a 24 hour turn-around on my ticket (just in case something happened). I sat at the gate for about 20 minutes and then decided to just give it up and go back home. The joke was apparently on me.

Going down the airport corridor, I saw to the right of me, a line of airport phones. I stopped, picked up the receiver with the full intention of calling you and giving you an earful before I returned to my life. Just as I lifted the receiver to my ear, I heard this loud wolf whistle behind me. I turned, to see you and Dennis hustling as fast as you could towards me. I could barely make out your face behind the bouquet of red and white roses you had clutched to your chest.

You told me that they had given you the wrong instructions of where my plane was landing. You were upstairs at the last terminal, and I came in downstairs at the first terminal. Anchorage is a big airport and by the time you had arrived at the gate, I was already gone.

We hugged each other, Dennis grabbed my luggage and we were off on our first date (after saying goodbye to Dennis). We jumped into the motorhome with your bayrunner being towed behind. Our first stop, Hidden Lake for three days of camping, boating, fishing and hiking. Why didn’t the sun ever go down that day?

Sitting with you in the  middle of the lake in your boat, I listened patiently to your 45 minute lecture on how to bait, cast and catch fish. You told me that the Miller family had a long traditional bet when fishing. It was $1.00 for the first fish and $1.00 for the biggest fish. I took the bet.

You handed over your treasured and “seasoned” pole after first showing me how to cast. Did you not think that a girl from Southern California did not know how to fish?

First cast out, I caught a 16″ Rainbow! The look on your face was priceless! Wish I would have captured it on film. By the end of that Endless Day you had reeled in the biggest fish, so the bet was a draw.

That began the time where we fell further in love with not only each other, but also with Hidden Lake. Snuggling on the couch together, learning about each other and listening to the Loons haunted cries on the lake, we knew we would be returning to this place in the future.

It was a week to remember as you shared with me all your secret spots of Alaska that you loved. I met your three boys- Doug, Dave and Dennis and we both agreed that I should come back in the wintertime to see how I would cope living in complete darkness.

Little did I know at that time, what loomed ahead of us, that would test our relationship and later our marriage. A very deadly, silent killer disease:  Diabetes.

When Diabetes first hit, we were not prepared for the fight that would ultimately claim your life. You soon tired of the restricted diets you were placed on. i would catch you cheating when I cleaned out the truck and found multiple empty candy wrappers under your seat. I think the problem with Diabetes for you became the hardest part for you to accept. You did not feel or look sick back then. You were resistant to anything the doctors wanted you to do to get better. You wanted to live life on your terms, but the disease got the better of you. You hated the finger sticks, the shots in the belly three times a day. It took over our lives- and ultimately cost you, yours. They don’t call it “The Silent Killer” for nothing.

In 2019, honoring your last request, I asked the kids to spread your ashes on Hidden Lake. It was one of the last things you asked me for before you became caught up in two worlds- the world of the living and the world of the dead.

The kids almost didn’t make this happen because of a forest fire raging nearby. But Annette, determined as ever, tracked down a fire marshal and explained the situation. Your kids were then able to go into the lake, launch the boat and quickly disperse your ashes before they had to leave.

Michael, Y.S.P.C.B. misses you. I love you so much and I hope you can hear me when I talk to you at night. I miss your goofiness, your April Fool pranks, your corny jokes. I miss how you opened up car doors for me, and helped me on with my coat. You used to trap one of my arms in the sleeve of my coat as I was putting it on. It took me awhile to not fall for that trap. I miss your kindness and our conversations. I miss our daily prayers. We had a good life together. I will always be grateful to you for sharing your world and your family with me. I can’t wait to see you again.