This morning, when I woke up, I realized that the challenges that face me ahead are unlike any before, that I have encountered. It’s simply a challenge to go out in public these days, for it seems as if some of the public have lost their minds. Or, perhaps, I have lost mine? On this path since Mike left,  I have had to face I was never alone. The obstacles at times that seemed  unsurmountable, became bearable because of Kota. He was there by my side helping me cope with the crazies. Right now, looming before me is the very real possibility that my wonderful friend and companion does not have very long to live.

He started getting sick immediately after the first dog attack, about 9 months ago. He was losing his hair gradually, he was licking, itching and feeling quite miserable. Kota was panting, much like the engine in the beloved storybook I grew up with “The Engine that Could” did going up that steep mountain. He would climb on my bed at night and it would shake in rhythm with his rapid breath, as if we were caught in a minor earthquake, until I couldn’t deal with it anymore and would ask him to please get down.

He couldn’t get enough water. He has large milk pail size water buckets in the house. At that time, there were two. He would drink them dry several times a day. Today,  there are six total and he drinks them all dry regularly. He would pee like a racehorse and several times, he would have accidents in the house. Something he hadn’t done since his first night with us.

My vet swore it was a flea allergy. Kota does not have fleas. I don’t allow that. In rescue, I have seen the damage those tiny black parasites can do to animals and it is extensive. I spray my yard every year, I feed (food grade) Diatomaceous earth crystals to the outside kitties..

Kota started getting hives all over his body, his hair would fall out simply if I petted him. Not just individual hairs but clumps. After that initial attack, he has since been jumped (unprovoked) six times now! I knew something was wrong with him that was not an allergic reaction and all the prednisone he was on during that time was not helping. My vet was insistent, it was fleas.

Two weeks ago, Kota vomited up blood. A lot of it. He had a vet appointment a few weeks out, but when I called the clinic in the morning and told them this new development, they asked me to do a drop-off. They couldn’t do an actual appointment. I cancelled an appointment I had in town and immediately took him in.

I have seen him go from a bright, vibrant loving dog to a couch potato with no energy left in his body. From a dog that loved to walk with me in the forest for hours, exploring all scents he follows with his nose, to one who cannot walk 30 minutes without lying down and quitting. He is three years old! He has weakness periodically in his rear legs. He can’t at those times jump up on the bed or into the truck. I bought a ramp, but so far he won’t use it.

I started thinking about all the unprovoked attacks. Some so incredulous that they defy logic. The homeless man in Sweet Home with a black lab that tries to jump into the back window of my truck when I am driving, to attack Kota! Kota does not provoke these attacks. I know people who own aggressive dogs that say “their dog will never hurt anybody” right before that dog goes to attack another dog. I am not in denial, Kota is the most easy-going loving dog I have ever had or even met.

I thought about the attack from a “service dog” in Walmart that jumped out  of his “bed” at the bottom of the shopping cart and went right for Kota’s legs! It was a small terrier,. The pitbull in Bi Mart without a vest who wanted to kill Kota. He was, according to his owner, “an emotional support dog” but she “forgot” his vest at home.

That’s when I realized that the vets were wrong. Kota was not being attacked because he was “big and black” or because the dogs who attacked him were the equivalent of a “schoolyard bully and saw an easy target” but because he was sick and his smell was different, off-putting, challenging to the other dogs who all had one thing in common, an aggressive streak. So after all the training that I have put into this dog, I have retired him from service. He is just my dog now.

The vet kept him and observed him. He called me and told me that Kota looked really “rough.” (That was an understatement). He said that Kota was dribbling urine almost continously and they had discovered his urine was dilute and full of bacteria. He said the x-rays did not show any obstructions. I told him the vomit had also contained a lot of Kota’s hair and would hair show up in a film? The answer was no. His best guess at this time was a severe UTI. He wanted to run bloodwork. I gave my consent.

Kota’s kidney and liver rods are off the chart. He is on a pretty powerful antibiotic (I also started him on a probiotic). He is getting worse and not better. Cushing’s Disease was mentioned. Cushing’s is a disease of the adrenal glands. It can be caused by dog fights, over-use of pred, and various other factors. When the dog is stressed, it will rear it’s ugly head and the dog will pay in misery. The test to actually determine Cushing’s is prohibitively expensive and stressful. The dog has to stay at the vets for four days and endure repeated bloodwork and urine tests.Cushing’s  is not curable and the meds to manage it range in the thousands of dollars. (They are the equivalent to what cancer victims have to pay for for their meds.) The cheaper “off-label drugs” are not that much cheaper and again, there is no cure.  The only symptom of Cushing’s that Kota does not currently display is the pot-bellied appearance as the liver becomes so enlarged, the abdomen swells.

So I have started him on Melatonin to reduce the panting and anxiety. Some other holistic herbs and oils  are recommended to keep him steady. I am looking for a holistic vet, but unfortunately, Delta is rampant here and no one is taking new clients. We are in a wait and see moment. Are we going to see the excessive shedding stop? Will all the flaky skin he is losing stop happening? He could qualify easily for a Head & Shoulders commercial. Will his appetite come back? Will he stop panting like a steam engine? Will he just continue to be a couch potato disinterested in the activity and energy around him?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do pray to God a lot more now than I ever have. I pray for healing, I pray for knowledge that I do the right thing to alleviate all the stress in his life. It is unfortunate that the last attack on the 14th of Sept was perpetrated from a new neighbor’s dog. I cannot let my dog outside unsupervised. (Not that I ever did anyway). I am not the type of dog owner who just leaves a dog outside all day to run, or sticks them in a small kennel in the hot sun, or puts them on a chain run. This dog, when she sees Kota (no matter where he is  on our property, she goes into prey mode. She wiggles and tries to escape the collar that is attached to her run, or she charges her fencing in her small cement enclosure.

Yesterday, I made my neighbor aware of his dog’s actions. I told him (and I meant it) that if his dog gets out and goes over the fence to attack Kota, it will end badly for her. Not a good way to start a neighborship, but I am over hearing my dog scream in panic and pain. Kota has not ONCE in all these attacks bitten the attacker or anyone trying to get them apart.

So now, the challenges become deeper. Not only do I have to go out in public occasionally , but now I have to do it alone. My best friend, my companion the part of the glue that has kept me together since Mike left, is no longer at my side. He is either waiting in the truck, or he has been left at home alone waiting for my return.