First off, thank you for coming here and reading this, whether you comment or not. It really means the world to me. I am hoping in the coming days to be able to get back to the cats and only the cats. To share all my tips (not all at once) that I have either developed or heard about and applied with great success to their behavior, health or development. That’s the plan.

I am sorry, I have been so maudlin lately. Having pity parties and woe-is-me moments, because truth be told, Mike is the one in trouble. Not me. I suspect after talking to doctor earlier, quite extensively, that my first gut reaction when all this happened, is he is not coming home again.

They are keeping him for three days in the hospital, because during his fall (which he insists was a “slide”) he reinjured it. Just as I reinjured my hurt knee when I tried to catch him to stop the impact to the ground. I cannot walk this morning- period. Well put it this way, if I sit in my chair, I can’t get up without Kota’s help. Kota is now 90 pounds. Kind of wish I had collided with him instead of my 366 pound husband! LOL

After they get a handle on his re-infection they will be admitting him to a rehab center, or extended care facility- face it whatever they want to call it, they are still just nursing homes. Medicare will pay for 60 days and then anything over that to 120 days will be picked up by his supplemental insurances. Then (I am told) I will be called into a meeting with the heads and they will help me try to figure out where to go from there- where to put him next. But he will never come home. I feel that so deep in my gut that it hurts.

Yes, he is in a situation of his own making, by blowing off the severity of the disease and not taking control of his life that revolves around food. When Mike was a kid- if he did not clean his plate, he would be beaten. One time with a cord of firewood! Gee and I thought I had the evil family! If he sicked it up because he found in unappealing, he had to eat that too. I’m just trying to say that you can’t without a lot of therapy step into redirecting that type of programmed behavior around food. We see it with anorexics, bulimia. For him, leaving food on a plate was a punishable offense.

Funny story- we met originally through an ad he placed over 36 years ago, called The Singles Register. Way back before computers, cell phones back when 8 tracks and cassettes reigned. LOL

On my “Thank God You Are Divorced Party” My best friend Jeri had gone out and bought this paper. Which is quite strange because she was dyslexic and hated to read. But she read the whole thing and it was huge-lots of ads! She found one page where she highlighted five ads she “thought” I might answer.

She wrapped my gift in it (a coffee cup that said Newly Single) and scolded me when I opened it to not tear it! On my third Long Island Ice Tea, my friends challenged me to pick one ad. I chose his. Took me four months to get the courage to write him- plus I was busy with a new job in the corporate world and traveling throughout Southern and Northern California for my job.

When you answered an ad back then, you sent the letter to the newspaper and on the back of the envelope, you just put the code they assigned to it. They forward it to the individual.

Mike received 385 letters (the paper was nationwide) he and his kids went through them, picked four women to write to, I was number 2. Number one turned out to be a woman in Spokane who wanted to move to Alaska (where Mike lived) and live with him within a pack of wolves! My letter was a bit more tame.

We wrote and sent tapes for over 4 years. I flew twice to meet him in person, once in the summer then again in the winter- and I guess the rest is history. I am only 2 years older than his older boy so being a stepmom was hard for me. Besides they had a mom and she was and still is ever-present in all their lives.

Ok that is the back story and why I shared it is on my summer trip to meet him. We had just returned with the boat from Hidden Lake where I had caught my first King Salmon. I asked him when we got home if he was hungry? He said, no, I’ll just rustle up a snack.” Some of you might remember Tupperware and those BIG green bowls? He took one down from the cabinet. Put half a head of cabbage, 3 turnips, 6 carrots. 1 bunch of radishes and a handful of olives and asked me if I wanted any of it. I was so astonished, all I could do was say No thank you. He sat down on the couch and started to devour everything (except the bowl) I asked him what he was doing? He said he was having a snack. I told him that’s not a snack- that’s a chef salad for a party of 8!

Now he is paying the ultimate price for his life’s choices. And that price is much larger than he is right now. If it wasn’t for this blog, I believe I would have self-destructed already. Not even the most horrendous rescue I have been on has prepared me for all this sorrow I feel right now.

We will take it a day at a time and see what happens. Maybe he will have a come to Jesus moment. I don’t know. We used to pray every day together, now I pray alone and I pray for him the most.

So thanks for putting up with me and I promise I will get back to the cats just as soon as I find my center and my smile again.

I love you guys, all of you-