I constantly hear Matuse calling to me in my head, and when I go outside, I still see him lying in the grass. I am so tired of loss- the toll on our hearts right now is so overwhelming. I can’t even cry because I am afraid if I start I will never stop. I hope he didn’t suffer long and that I was able to find him in enough time to take him away from his pain. Between his departure and the horses, I feel like I am slowly coming apart.

The rains have stopped and we are once again in the heat of things. I rearranged the cat enclosure yesterday trying to create good places for the cats to hang out at. I brought several of the barn cats indoors, but I still have three that are MIX- Chappy is still outside, he takes off under the house every time I try to get close to him. McKinley has reappeared a few times since his departure. He looks worse than ever but he stuffs himself at the feeders then vanishes again. Squirrel is outside, she hangs out with a neighbor’s cat, they are great friends, and I think Lucy feeds both the cats. Mercedes has told me she doesn’t want to come back inside. She is my pariah and at least outside, she doesn’t continually get beat up by the other cats. So I continue to feed out on the porch for the outside cats and everyone else is inside.

Received an email this morning from a lady in Africa who has found a small kitten in the bush. The umbilical cord is still attached, and this missionary worker is worried the kitten is dying. Go figure, that although she is in a remote location, she has enough internet access to find my website and shoot me an email! I told her a few things to try- one thing is good, she has an unlimited supply of pure goat’s milk! I will pray Umbisa makes it through the night as this lady hovers and worries nearby.