McKinley will be ten years old soon. Over the past few weeks, I have watched this wonderful barn kitty turn from 20 pounds of glory (He is part Maine Coon) to 13 pounds. Visits to the vet have been unsuccessful in determining what is going on with him. He is reclusive with me, hiding from me in the rafters, and fleeing from my presence instead of greeting me with headbumps and bonks.
This morning, as I was feeding the boys, he came out of the bales and head bonked me. I sat down immediately and he jumped in my lap. I wanted to cry. It has been quite awhile since he has allowed me to touch him.
As I gently stroked him, I grew alarmed at his pencil thinness state. I could feel his ribs and his tail bones. But, I made no attempt to capture him up and whisk him once again off the vets. They don’t know what is wrong with him.
We sat in the early dawn, cat and caretaker, loving on each other, until he decided he wanted no more. He jumped off my lap and ran out the barn door. Before he got to the horse fence, he turned around and looked at me. I know that look well- it is one I have seen before. He was saying goodbye. Then he ran as fast as he could across the pasture back into the woods by the creek. I watched him go and attempted to call him back several times, but he never faltered. I know with certainty, I will not ever see him again. He has gone off to die.
He had a great life here with us, with the exception of when I adopted him out to someone who tricked me into thinking he was going to be a cherished pet and he almost turned into pit bull fodder! Only by the grace of God did I get him back in time to rescue him from this gruesome death. Now, he meets death on his terms. He has said goodbye to me, and so like many before him, he will find a place where he can feel safe, lie down and sleep forever.
Goodbye my friend- run free in the heaven’s grasses and give J some special headbonks from me.
I am sitting here crying for you and for McKinley. How do they know and why do they go away? There is such great reward in rescueing, but also much heartache.
kim, they leave. They go to ground. They find a dark, quiet spot where they can curl up and take the forever sleep. They don’t want heroic measures, to be kept in a room and forcefed food and fluids. They just know what the vets do not, something is terribly going wrong inside and they just want to get away and sleep.
Sometimes, the sleep opens up regeneration powers on the cats. This time, though, I fear that will not be the case. As I blogged earlier, I have seen this look before.
Thanks for the information. I feel so sorry for you. I am comforted that you gave him such a wonderful life-he must have known he was loved. That is important, I believe. My Zachary is still gone, I am losing hope of his return. I would probably feel a little better if I thought he wanted to go as opposed to just being lost and not being able to find his way back to us. I will never give up looking for him or praying for his safety.
Don’t ever give up. I found one of my cats after two years being gone from our home! He had been adopted by someone on the back road and I saw him sitting in the window one day! I was walking his buddy Kenai (German Shepherd dog ) who was also a nursemaid for Scatter when he was younger. Scat just about went ballistic when he saw us and so did I. I ran up and pounded on the door and demanded my cat back! I got him back too, because he ran out of the door and jumped up on Kenai hugging her by her neck. It was pretty evident he was “our” cat. So never give up!