The news was not good and the vet doesn’t know what is going on with Charlie at all. He was given a shot, some pills and Ben said under most circumstances he would keep Charlie in the clinic, but Ben feels that Charlie is better off here at home with me. I could not get Charlie to eat while at the vet’s nor could Ben which is quite unusual because he is the type of vet who can get an animal to eat almost every time.

I had to work tonight, and I just got home and found Charlie upstairs in his room open mouth breathing. 🙁 I set the vaporizer on high and made sure he has food for the night (he still hasn’t eaten) but his eyes are going vacant and I have a sad empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just suddenly dread what morning will bring….

He is failing and I just made him a promise. “No more Heroic Measures, Dear One.” He has gone through so much in his short, little life, but I came to the realization years ago, that sometimes, what we do for our cats, we actually do for ourselves.

Since he arrived here almost a year ago, he has been through more health issues than any other cat. So, he is checking out soon from this kitty hotel that is sometimes just a transfer station to someplace so much better. I see it in his eyes when I go upstairs to visit him, try to get him to eat (without any success) or give him his meds.

Last night, quite late he started slipping away from us- open mouth breathing, panting. He is hot but not febrile which can point to heart failure. I suppose I could call Ben and tell him to put Charlie into Isolation, tube him, force feed him meds and then wait for the next few days to see if these results would be successful or not. But I have been doing this a very long time. I have seen the light fade from hundreds of kitties eyes, the special spirit slowly being sapped from them and I see that look in Charlie’s eyes now and though it breaks my heart, it is time to stop trying for him.

I have Chalie upstairs with all other cats barracaded from having access to the top floor. His mouth is open as he tries to breathe and if it gets worse, I have a call into a feline specialist who lives moments from me, and she will come here and end it for him.

Pray for this kitten of great courage who has endured what most of us could never even fathom living through. Who was tossed like a piece of trash on the side of the highway with his littermate who never even had a chance as cars whizzed by. Whose early diet consisted of gravel and bugs when he should have been filling up on his mother’s milk and surrounded by her warmth.

I pray that whoever gave up on this kitten over a year ago will suffer worse than he has in whatever is left of his lousy life – and I thank God for blessing me with this orange spirit even though the stay may be brief, who has claimed my heart and become part of my soul forever.