I heard Mike groaning long after he had gone to sleep. He has been home from the hospital for 24 hours after being in there for one month and 3 days. He had told the doctor prior to discharge that he didn’t need the pain pills, but they sent them anyway. Listening to his groans was disconcerting, so I grabbed a vicodin and went into the bedroom.

Flipping on the light, I saw my husband in a full sweat. When I rushed over to wake him, he was cold and clammy- much like my heart suddenly felt. I tried to wake him, but it was difficult. He finally opened his eyes but they weren’t focused. He was slurring his speech, shaking and trembling and I was scared.

Testing his blood sugar revealed why his level was 41! Three orange juices, 2 glucose tablets and several hard candies later it leveled out at 123. He fell into a troubled sleep and I dashed out at 2:00 a.m. to Walmart for chocolates, orange juice, glucose tablets, sugar cubes and regular soda.

His blood sugars are not staying consistent. They are generally either too low or to high, they are never within normal range. I don’t have a spare minute to myself unless he is napping or sleeping. Then, I am keeping watch because I find I cannot relax until I know he is still breathing.

A friend of mine reminded me today of a saying: “If God Leads You to It, He will lead you through it.” I have to rest on God more and surrender my will to Him. Not what I want, but what He wants and I hope to understand all He is trying to teach me through this latest trial.

I did find a wheelchair today and rented it for 6 weeks for $20.00. I was grateful that I found one and didn’t have to buy one, but now I have to work at the thrift shop where it was located 8 hours a month. I did tell the woman that I couldn’t do anything until this crisis passes with my husband. She said she totally understood. After talking with her a few minutes more, she signed me up for a food box. It will be here twice a month and will just be produce and fruit and other items from the local farmers. I cried and told her I would welcome anything they would send.

I don’t like asking for help. The hospital bills are arriving at a rapid pace. I open them and gasp! And I thought VET bills were bad! Mike is on so much medication, he has so many machines hooked up to him right now and he seems to appreciate the fact that I found a wheelchair. I appreciate it as well- it was quite difficult pushing Mike around the house in the computer chair.

Here is his foot as of yesterday. I wish it looked better, but then, I suppose it could look a lot worse.