This morning, I was awakened by a cat pounding across my body. I was lying on my back catching much-needed z’s when I was jolted awake. I am used to being awakened by kittens playing in the night, that is what kittens do, but this was different. The weight was that of an older cat and there was distress in the room.

I threw on the light just as I heard a “gaaak…gaaak…gaaak” sound. I looked around trying to figure out what cat was in such distress and that is when I saw Panic laying on her side. Her paws were paddling in the air madly, her mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water. All the other cats had scattered away from her and I closed in quickly reaching for her.

At first I thought she had something in her throat. I am finding more and more dead mice and shews in the cat enclosure and I thought a bone had been caught in her throat. There was no way I was going to stick my fingers down the throat of a cat in what looked like a grand mal seizure, so I grabbed up a plastic hanger and using that, I pried her mouth open wider and peered inside. All I could see was thick white mucous which in retrospect I find strange because she wasn’t frothing or drooling at all.

I was panicked but I tried to calm her, scruffing her and holding her on her side, but her eyes were wide open as if she had just glimpsed the entrance of hell and she showed no recognition of me and clawed my hand quite severely.

I yelled for Mike but he was slow in responding. It was 1:30 a.m. and he had been asleep since 6:00 p.m. But finally he came over and tried like me to figure out what in the devil was happening.

She has been seizing now past 5 minutes and her body was becoming more and more rigid. I knew that there was little hope to help her. It was Sunday night and by the time I called the vet, made the trip and got her in who knows what sort of agony she would be in. Then, as quick as it began it was over and she was gone.

I then started thinking about the bat that got into the house about two weeks ago. That led me to wondering if this could be possibly be rabies (please God, NO!) Panic had just turned a year old- I had her as a preemie and her health was so compromised I didn’t vaccinate her. She was up for adoption. I phoned the police who told me to take her and myself to the ER and talk to the ER nurse.

I was told there that the racing around was not indicative of a grand mal seizure. That most people are so uncoordinated prior to a seizure that they can barely walk let alone run. They looked at my scratch- said it had to be a bite for me to be infected if rabies is indeed the cause. They sent me home with Panic’s body still in the trunk of my car.

A friend of mine lives close to the hospital and it was now 6:30 a.m. so I stopped to talk to Hailey. She offered to store Panic in her old refrigerator in the garage until Monday morning when the vet clinic opened. Since the cat has to refrigerated not frozen, I took her up on her offer. My big chest freezer would be the only way I could have kept Panic till Monday and freezing alters the testing process.

I have since talked with my vet who told me that this does sound a bit like rabies and ruling it out would be in my favor. I will be taking Panic to OSU first thing Monday morning to the Vet Diagnositic Labs and tell them about this horrendous event and go from there.

Whatever took Panic, took her hard and I have no doubt that she wouldn’t have been able to recover afterward. Most seizures last seconds or minutes but hers continued. Her core temperature would have dropped and kept dropping until her organs failed or she died. I wouldn’t let her suffer- she is a precious little calico kitty who gave Mike so many reasons to get up in the day.

I don’t know what type of lesson God intended to teach me this morning, that totally escapes me. I just know my sweet girl was in agony and I still feel her pain. Now, my own pain begins and I find that even in 80 degree weather here today, I cannot get warm. I am chilled to the bone.

I don’t think I will ever get used to the cost of rescue and I am not talking about the monies for food, litter, vets and various other items- I am talking the price I pay every time one of my rescues dies under my watch and my heart shatters just a little bit more. I hope this test isn’t expensive, but as the vet said, the cost has to met if nothing else for peace of mind.

Goodbye sweet Panic- tell Jeremy, Mom says hello~