He has all the paperwork back from the necropsies and he is quite concerned with what he sees. He kept referring to a hot strain of panleuk loose in this house. Made me feel honestly as if I am sitting waiting for the next catastrophe to unfold. A good friend in the rescue community took it upon herself to lecture me about everything I did wrong and to basically say that I deserved what happened because I chose to not vaccinate under-age kittens who were already sick.
Well, I pretty much have beat myself up and down for everything that has happened, and I don’t need anyone else helping in that department. When I shared my thoughts with my ‘friend’ her next email to me was she would never contact me again. So be it, don’t go away mad, just go away.
The four kittens in the bedroom are still scampering across the floor, eating, playing and not showing any signs of this dreaded disease. They are still harboring URI and are currently on antibiotics to see if they kick this cold.
The only surviving kitten from the one litter I was so worried about is doing great- except for clear discharge in his eyes and some sneezing. Compared to his littermates, I consider that a good thing.
I want to thank everyone who reached out to me here, and privately to help me sort through this. My vet doesn’t want me to shut my doors, but I do need to just step away for awhile. So much has happened in such a short time and I am on such an emotional low right now.
One of my good friends and a fellow rescuer in Texas told me yesterday that I need to think about all who were saved and not these latest casualties. She said I should put on my answering machine a message that states something to the effect of “If you are going to leave messages on this machine, they will not be listened to. If you wish to call me on non-cat related items, call back.” She said that would help me escape the daily and endless sad kitten and cat stories I hear. I am thinking about her suggestion.
In the meantime, I am taking care of the cats and kittens who are here. We are buckling down for the winter to hit soon and reinforcing our outside feral cat houses with extra insulation. Something tells me this winter is going to be brutal.
I have shut down the upstairs completely- our winter coats are upstairs but that would be the only reason to go up there in the future. I told Mike I would almost rather buy new coats then bring our old ones downstairs- that’s how scared this virus has left me.
I contacted the last three people who adopted kittens from me (even though they adopted them long before the outbreak) told them what happened and urged them to get the kittens vaccinated.
That’s all I can do. It’s time to just rest for now, keep vigil and pray that the virus is at least contained and vaccinate these new kittens once they get over their URI-
Thanks again to all of you. You ALL have been so terrific through this whole ordeal-
yes it is a dreaded disease, but ask yourself this, would these babies have passed anyway, would they have known love? you know the answer is yes they would have passed and no they would not have known love. Do not listen to naysayers, you do a wonderful thing for these babies and you and Mike go without so they can have! You know that God looks after your for what you do and he will be there for you now. Never forget that people care about you and what you do. So much that can be said, but just know that I for one believe in you and love you for who you are and what you do!
From what I read online, it says this epidemic can live in your carpet, in between wooden boards, bottom of shoes, etc. It says bleach can help. I agree with Sue, you do so much. Don’t beat yourself up. Your priorities have always been God and your fur babies. You show love in all that you do. God bless you MaryAnne for all that you are and all that you continue to do in our Savior’s name. You are loved!!!!!
It’s done and looking back won’t help. You could have done all sorts of things differently but the main focus is that you DID something. Please don’t let this stop you from future work. Take the break, you need it, but don’t let it sour you from being there in the future.
Marian
I’ll go even farther: Screw the Nuffers! Take a pause, catch your breath and regain your confidence. Then come back Full On! Please know that we’re rootin’ for you and your rescue work.
One of the things I admire about you is that you take on the hard cases, the ferals no one wants. It’s easy to take care of a colony but to deal with the tough cases, well that’s what makes you so special!! You’ve found homes for kittens and cats that otherwise would have died. Take a breather, then roll up your sleeves and go back to what you do best. I’m really surprised that another rescuer would kick you while you are down! >:( I would have thought they would have lent a shoulder and give some advice. To say you deserve what you got is downright nasty and uncalled for. If what you did was easy, then everyone would do it! Please don’t give up on cats and kittens. I’ll be one of the ones rooting you on! Thank you for all you do!
that other rescuer had NO BUSINESS lecturing you. we can all think up plenty of scenarios on our own – part of being in rescue is supporting others who are having a bad time and celebrating with the joys. beating up other people serves no purpose.
I agree – for now concentrate on those you have and go from there. While no one would wish this exposure on you, those kittens left this world knowing love and sometimes that is the best we can do.
as for screening phone calls…..do it. it isn’t your job to shoulder the misery of everyone else.
I agree with Sue in that without you, the kittens who died would not have known any affection at all. And they would not have been known. You know they existed, that they mattered, and that’s important.
I’m not sure why your ‘friend’ would state that she wouldn’t be calling you back. You did all you could do, and many hundreds, perhaps thousands of cats are in good homes because of what you do, and have done. There may be more fatalities among your cats yet, but don’t let that stop you from helping. You’re fighting a war against apathy, against nature, against inhumane society, all the enemies of cats and animals who are defenceless. The cats you help aren’t wild; they don’t know how to survive well outside a home, so you provide one for them; you provide many homes for them.
There will be other losses, from this disease, from other diseases, from a million different causes. But there will be more victories than defeats. Think of those and keep going.
{{{{HUGS}}}} to you MA.
Just keep on keepin on … nothing wrong with taking a break, catching your breath – dont get down – get even … clean, scrub, disinfect .. let the cold winter kill the germs and come back full force. Dont let this stop you from helping all the kitties – dont let this stop you from doing what you love.
That other rescuer has an odd idea of ‘friendship’. It sounds like her(?) promising to never contact you again was about the nicest thing she could have done.
Mary Anne, you saved and rehomed a whole bunch of kitties who would have had short painful lives without you. Even the ones who didn’t make it found love and a warm safe place to sleep while they were with you.
We second (third? whatever) the idea of screening your calls. Maybe consider Chrystal’s (http://dogsandcats.typepad.com/blog/) philosophy of only adopting kitties that “cross your path”, rather than going out answering phone calls. Maybe just sit out the winter entirely, tending to the ones you have and letting the others deal with themselves.
Hang in there, kitties and beans both.
MA, the folks who have already commented have said it all, and I so agree. Please know that I am praying for the rest of the kittens to do well, and for you to regather your strength and resume the awesome work that you do. Hugs and love to you for all that you have done, do…and will continue to do!
Oh Goodness, it really hurts to have a friend kick you when you are already feeling down. I am so sorry that happened. This whole ordeal is awful, but you will get through it and as all things, it will pass. It will become a memory. The cats and kittens you’ve saved and lost have had better lives because you were there.
Take one day at a time because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not promised. All you have is this day. Do what is best for you and your family today, and trust that all will be well.
The “Hot” Strain was explained to me this way:
What they mean by “hot” is that it is a very pathogenic strain.
Some strains of viruses or bacteria may be mild. They may infect smaller numbers or percentages of cats and the amount of death cases may be 0% or low %. A very pathogenic strain may infect larger numbers of susceptible cats and cause a larger % of mortality (death). Some strains could even overcome vaccinated cats if their level of immunity is lower than the next cat. Or infect a just vaccinated cat before vaccine immunity can be protective. Which is not one day but three before the vaccine becomes truly effective.
Remember the little tortie kitten, Reese, who I rescued from a grocery store parking lot? She is now in a wonderful home. You are my inspiration!
I agree totally with your friend in Texas. Your incredible successes, and “occasional losing battles well fought” are the only measuring stick with any value! I am confident less than 1% of the population make as significant a contribution to the well being of the world as you! You’ll be ready again for renewed activity sooner than you think! Thank you again for all you do!
your doing a good thing. keep your chin up and try not to let others bring you down. from one feral cat lover to another. 🙂
Yes, the bleach can kill the disease. One part bleach to 10 parts water is the formula. But since you can’t isolate the disease or know where it is hiding- it is impossible to say whether or not it is lurking in corners, on a carpet thread or even under a litter pan. I talked to a woman who rescues back east. She had the same thing happen to her a few years ago. She cleaned her entire home and shut down for three years. When she re-opened the FIRST kitten she got in, got sick with distemper and died. She was devastated and shut her doors forever.