Yesterday, I called an old, old friend of mine. We lost touch when she moved back East from California and the last time we talked was over a year ago. She was excited about her move back then, going to be with a man she thought she knew and loved. But sometimes, dreams turn into nightmares and her life became one.

She has smoked since I have known her (she was 16 when we first met) she is 57 now. She told me in the year that she has lost touch- and she did it deliberately because she was so overwhelmed, she was diagnosed with COPD, Emphysemia and chronic bronchitis. They found an inoperable tumor on her lung. She said she also has fybromyalgia and just last week, her esophagus closed on her and she could no longer eat! When they went in with a tube and a balloon to stretch the passage- they perforated her esophagus and now she is bleeding. There was some mention that the lining of her stomach is now coming through her esphagus but she wasn’t clear about that. We talked about old times, dances we went to, boys we had crushes on- her daughter, my family. We just went back in time for a brief moment. I told her (because she was croaking could hardly talk) that anytime it got rough for her to say anything- to just say bye and hang up and I would understand. She said it was glorious to talk to me, that she needed to say some things and that she would never give up, never surrender.

In the last test they did, she said they found several suspicious lumps in her throat and they biopsied them- they were cancerous.

Her plate is more than full, her knight in shining armour has long galloped away with another lady. She is alone and my heart aches for her.

Someone asked me yesterday why I thought all this stuff was coming down on me and Mike. She wanted to know if there were any bright spots in my day- and there are so many- 21 to be exact, all with four legs and a tail and purrs that can at times power jet engines. It has taught me what is important in life and that is people who I love and who love me back. Not people who just want all the gory details and then say they will pray and never do- but people who matter, who I have taken so for granted for a very long time.

I sit here with Tover in my lap. He is purring away and looking at me with such a wide-eyed innocence. You would never know His Royal Blackness is still a tomcat- but he is- I slid McKenna into his neuter spot this week and this tom is as mellow as butter. He believes it is his mission to be on my lap at all times and he and Dexter have quite the war at times figuring out who gets mom’s lap first! Tover usually wins.

Another black cat will arrive today- he is a senior and by what I am told, he has never had much of a life. I will change that if I can. I will show him that his house is safe (if sometimes crazy) that no one will hurt him- his bad teeth will be taken care of, his URI will be addressed and he can live here in comfort until I find him that home that I know is out there.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender because if you do- you give in to despair and that is no way to live.