I settled down on the tile floor of the “Big Dog” room at the vet’s this morning. With a slight tremor in my voice, I called to sweet Brook to come by me and lay down. She made her way slowly across the floor, her rear legs barely able to move her massive bulk to me.

We have had this four year old girl for a year and a half- hoping when we rescued her off of Craigslist that we could give her a chance at a life she wouldn’t have had otherwise. We had helped her as much as we possibly could and now it was time.

She laid down next to me and put her head on my knee. I looked into her light blue glacier eyes and sighed. She was a phenomenal dog- so good with the kittens, a wonderful companion a great “door blocker” as Mike liked to call her. But her life before us consisted of way to many trips to McDonald’s- too many scoops of food daily into her dog bowl and to many treats dropped on the floor for her to dispose of in a timely manner. The family had eight kids so you can imagine at dinner time, the food probably rained down.

Years ago, (my vet estimated) probably when she was two or three- she had to have blown out her back knees and nothing was done about it. When I questioned the former owners about it after we adopted her and discovered she was injured, they told me that they took her to a vet who told them it was hip dysplasia and nothing could be done- so- they did nothing and she has suffered ever since.

Her weight-144 pounds. I tried the best I could to help her slim down. But you can’t take a dog who can’t walk for a walk because that would be wrong. So I would take her instead to the lake to swim which she loved. She had her own lifejacket because I was afraid she might get into really deep water and get into trouble.

For a year we enjoyed the lake outings and then she found she couldn’t naviagat up the slight slope to get out of the water and back on dry land anymore, so I had to lift her up- physically impossible because dry she was heavy- and wet she felt like she weighed a ton.

People enjoying the day would glare at me and I would feel guilty as if it were MY fault she was so fat. Sometimes, a kindly gentleman would offer to help lift her up over the small ledge- sometimes, I just did it on my own.

The kittens would settle into her belly and sleep and she would let them. They chased her tail climbed over her face, she never minded- she was a gentle giant.

Dr Steve settled on the floor nearby and the vet tech gently took Brook’s head and wrapped her arms around her neck and squeezed her front leg to show the path of peace to the vet.

As the needle struck home, I was nearby and Brook turned her head and kissed me goodbye. It was as if she was thanking me for allowing this release. She left us gently and I hugged her tight as her head dropped and she slipped off into the night.

This was our gift to each other. We had talked it about for days after seeing how bad she was becoming. In the mornings we could see the spurts of the young dog she once was and she had a bit of energy. She was so funny because when the legs just wouldn’t do what she wanted, she would sit with a THUMP on the carpet and wag her tail. Then she would scrabble her front legs on the carpet and turn like a top around and around on the carpet. This was her good morning dance.

But by afternoon, she would lie on her bed not wanting to move, not able to go outside, not wanting to lie by our feet and we knew it was time. Time to make the hardest decision- time to relinquish our hold on her and let her go in peace before the pain became so unbearable that when she looked at us her eyes would say acu “Why are you letting me suffer?”

Goodbye Brook- thank you for your head on my chest in the morning, for your good morning dance, your warning bark when the coons were raiding the cat feeders and for protecting the smallest who walk here and guarding the largest who live here.

I will miss you my friend-your fur caught a lot of my tears and it was this river that carried you away to a better place today. Be good until we meet again~