How do I go about breaking hundreds of hearts including mine? How do I tell all the people who took Ms Shell into their own souls that all the purrs, all the prayers, all the vibes and the vets who struggled over her care couldn’t save her? How do I explain that this wasn’t going to happen, that Shell was basically to sick to live?
Her blood values stayed high, there was no change for the better in any of her blood work. For the past few days, Shell had been sending me messages that I tried so hard to ignore. Not pooping in the pan, hiding under the bed or tucked back into the clothes. Cats don’t hide for no reason.
So the vet and I talked quite extensively. He has always been caring and a straight shooter when it comes to this situation. This is what he said;
“Mary Anne, if she were your one and only, I would fight like the dickens to keep her alive. I would subject her to more stressful treatments and vet visits knowing all the while that as I was fighting, I was not fighting for her but for you.”
And I knew this, deep in my heart, I knew this was going to be the last time I would see Shell. Because even as I denied it visually, my heart wouldn’t let me deny her the dignity she richly deserved in the end, to be let go while arms that loved her held her, and skilled fingers quickly found the right vein to deliver peace.
Goodbye Sweet Shell, thank you for gracing our lives with your presence. I wish I had met you sooner, before the ravages of the disease conquered your mouth and your ability to live with some quality. I got to you to late, but at least you knew before that last breath, that your life DID matter. You knew warm caresses and embraces. You found food to be plentiful and the Zoom Groom became your best buddy. I’m sorry that all we did wasn’t enough. But you pulled together a world of people who never met you and you created a chain of caring that I have never been privy to before.
That is quite a legacy Shell, for a dilute tortie whose skin used to bleed at the slightest pressure and whose legs resembled chopsticks but whose heart and courage, no one could ever measure.
I will miss you Shell, I will miss you Forever~
For all of you who loved her and prayed for her I say thank you.
And in her honor, in her memory, reach out and help the next stray cat you see on the street who looks as if the world might hate her too. Maybe, just maybe, your help and intervention with that neglected cat will come in time, in enough time to matter~
There are no words right now, just glad she is no longer suffering.
And love and prayers for Mary Anne, I know you will miss her something fierce.
Love,
ML
I too, am at a loss for words… There are only tears right now… MA, I only wish I was there to give you a warm hug and hold your hand… Lend you a shoulder to cry tonight… I am so sorry for your loss… We all fell in love for this little girl who so quickly stole our hearts…
MA, you both fought a brave fight… She is just so lucky to have met you and to have you in her life… she finally got to know what is to be loved…
Shell came into our lives only for an instant, but wow, what a memorable instant <3
Many prayes, will be thinking of you… Any time you want to talk, I am here –
Love,
All of us
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I wrote this for the loss of a beloved furriend. Shell fits that description so I post it here so all who read this know that Shell was here and she was beloved to many…
Of Memory and Loss
Before I went to sleep, I decided that the next morning I would go and get a pet. I was not sure if it would be a dog or cat or bird or something else. All I knew was that I needed, no, wanted to share my life with another creature that would accept my friendship and affection.
As I slept, I fell into a deep dream.
There before me sat the most beautiful creature, neither male nor female. To either side of this wonderous creature, there were two indentical waterfalls with deep clear pools at their base. From each waterfall, the most crystal blue water cascaded down. I was entranced. Never before had I seen seen such beauty, such serentity.
Wordlessly, the creature motioned for me to come towards the pools at the base of the waterfalls. I noticed that at each pool, there was a small silver cup attached to a fine silver chain.
“Dip thy finger into the pool and taste.” the creature said as it gestured to the pool to its left.
I did as instructed. As the clear cool liquid touched my tongue, my stomach clenched with pain and my heart pounded fiercely within my chest. A hollowness rang throughout my being that I feared I would never recover from.
“This is the Pool of Loss.” the creature said and then it motioned to the other pool of water. “Dip thy finger into the pool and taste.”
Warily, I drew my forefinger through the water of the other pool of water. As my finger touched my tongue, a joy so deep and pure touched my soul. A wave of happiness and wonder drowned the pangs of sorrow and loss the first pool had caused.
“This is the Pool of Memory.” the creature said. “If you take one of God’s creatures into your heart, you must be prepared to drink from both pools. Do you accept this as your covenant, your bond with one of God’s creatures?”
Silently I nodded yes.
“Then drink from each pool.” The creature instructed as it motioned towards the silver cups at the sides of the pools.”For now they will bear no taste, but in time you will discover how much you have partaken of each.”
The very next day, I went and found a kitten at a local pound. It was the smallest one of the litter and it was the one who seemed to need me the most.
I watched it grow and play and I revelled in the smallest joy it brought to me. But then without warning, it was taken from me in a way most sudden and cruel.
Once again I felt the pangs I had felt in my dream when I tasted the waters of the Pool of Loss. Only this time, I thought the pain would never leave. Then, I remembered the taste of the waters from the Pool of Memory. Slowly the pain of Loss began to subside, and was replaced with the joy of Memory.
Now I realized that I had drank more from the Pool of Loss than the Pool of Memory in my dream. But now I knew that the Pool of Memory brought more than enough comfort to offset the pain the Pool of Loss could cause.
I now bear the knowledge that each time I open my heart to one of God’s creatures, I drink from the Pool of Memory and the Pool of Loss. How much I partake depends on each creature and that, in the end, the power of Memory is so much more powerful than the power of Loss.
Our hearts are breaking for sweet Shell and for you. Shell was so lucky to have been given so much love, some of which she never knew because were are all so far away. You did a wonderful thing for her. She touched your heart and all of ours.
Purrs, prayers and love,
The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie
I can’t seem to even be able to think of any words except how deeply sorry I am for your loss. She was sooo blessed to have you as her hero and I feel blessed for having gotten to know Shell through you and all you did for her. My heart is breaking for you but just keep remembering what a wonderful thing you did for her. You will be in my prayers. Please take care of yourself. Sleep well sweet Shell girl.
You loved Shell and did all you could to save her. But sometimes, through tears, we have to say good-bye. We are teary and so sorry for your loss.
I had just returned from feeding my feral colony to read what you had to say. I am a new comer to TNR, and I am going to get more involved. Shell’s story really touched my heart. At least she knew love before she passed. I’m so sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for loving her and letting us love her too. Thank you for showing her that the world can be a warm and loving place. And thank you for allowing her the dignity of passing from this life to the next while laying safe in loving arms. Much love to you.
We jus dun know what to say – cept Shell was loved. Shell will be remembered for the little fighter and lover she was. Soar high sweet girl.
Molly
Shadow
Trooder
Mooch
Sad but sometimes you just cannot win… RIP Shell…
our lives are richer having known sweet shell. she got to feel what it is like to be loved and cared for, something many animals never get to know. we will miss her.
Shell had the most wonderful time of her life with you. Sad that she’s gone from us momentarily but we will all celebrate once we go over the rainbow bridge ourselves. Shell just wasn’t in the right shape to be “fixed” and we can’t fix everything no matter how badly we want to fix what her previous life did to her sweet soul.
Much love to you MA for trying and giving her something that she’s looked forward to all her life…Love and Caring.
Much luv,
Mama Mindy of The Slimmer Puggums
We are so sorry to hear that Shell has crossed over. What a difficult time that poor baby had her whole life. Bless you for taking her in and trying to help her. Words just aren’t enough right now.
Luf, Us and Maw
I’m so sorry. Sometimes heart just isn’t enough. Despite the neglect throughout her life, Shell knew at the end she was loved. That’s all any of us can ask. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you.
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We’re sorry for your loss, but, we is glad that Shell got to know what love and caring were before she went to the Bridge. Now she’s healthy and happy and has all she could want.
I am so sorry to hear it was Shell’s time for the bridge, but so thankful that her last days were filled with love from you! Purrs!
Shell will always be remembered as a fighter. You will be remembered as the one who helped her fight to the end.
I am so sorry for this terrible loss; I know you did everything you could for this gorgeous girl and I am so sad she had to leave too soon, although grateful her pain has ended…Goodbye sweet Shell=you mattered and were loved by so many…Hugs to her great parents; wishing you comfort at this sad time…xoxo…J, Calle, Halle, Sukki
What a sweet, courageous girl … we are so very sorry that Shell had to leave you. You gave her something she’d never had before — unconditional love and the courage to do what was best for her. Bless you, MA.
Run free at the Bridge, sweet Shell …
‘Kaika and his mom
i am sad. I was so hoping and praying formher. But at least she knew undcondtional love was. I am so sorry for your loss
Oh, what heart-breaking news. What an angel you are for doing what you did for Shell, showing her the love and compassion you did and for showing her that humans can be loving. I so much wanted her to be able to beat those incredible odds…Thank you for sharing her story and your story, I know it touched so many hearts. Blessings and prayers to you and to Shell. You’ll both be in my thoughts. Be Well Sweet Shell.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Bless your heart for taking in precious Shell & showing her what love is all about. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
Mama Rhonda
Oh, NO! We are so sorry. Comforting purrrrrss and gentle headbutttss to Mary Anne and the whole family.
{{{hugg}}}
Rest in Peace sweet Shell. I’m in tears. I’m so so very sorry for your loss. God bless you for taking in Shell. She knew she was loved in these so few short days. And that really does make the difference
But she knew she was dearly loved, and she was by many. And just this once, that is perhaps a greater gift than longevity….
So very sorry to hear this but decisions that are made are done so for a reason. Sweet Shell, we purred for you and know you are in a better place now. Remember to lay a gentle paw on your mom’s shoulder from time to time to remind her that she is not alone.
Snuggles,
Taz, Runt, Charles, and mommy, Anna, in Illinois
I feel the loss. The lost touch, the missing mew. The special small things that Shell did in your life. I offer you the understanding of what you are missing now.
I know how this hurts in A way, but not in the special way that hurts for you right now in THIS loss.
Knowing this kind of loss myself, I can only offer my understanding and sympathy in this very difficult time.
The Big Thing
Bless that hands that gave Shell the final gift of love…
we are dreadfully sorry to know Shell has left the earth for a place up in the heavens…she sits in the lap of angels now and tells her story…a story of hope, love and kindness…
It is not the years in our life that count, but the life in our years that really matters. You gave her life like Shell never knew it…filled with love…you made he life latter…
Thank you for this amazing kindness….love to you from the cozy cottage of Miss Peach
In her brief time with you she was given a lifetimes worth of love. We need to believe that she knew how deeply she was loved. We can find comfort in believing that she had found peace and contentment at last. We believe she is now resting in the loving arms of The Father from whom all love comes. God bless you, little angel.
Oh no. Too many tears to write. You did so much for her and the whole internet was behind her and you. She had what the FInns called sisu – stamina, determination – it is untranslatable. And so is the dignity that you gave her when you let her go because she and you knew it was time, We are so so sad for your pain and grief. You did your very very best, but what was best for Miss Shell was more important. There’ll be 13 candles lit on our catio tonight – one from each of us kitties and one from Äiti. With lots of love and tears and purrs for you and Shell. You did such a good thing for her and you must believe it was worth it because Shell’s story has changed lives.
xxxxx
MA, I don’t know what to say, other than that we all grieve with you. I am so sorry that you didn’t get to her in time. I have no words. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.
Words cannot descibe how sad and sorry I feel upon hearing this news. Please accept my heartfelt condolances.
And yet I feel joyeous too ~ joyeous that Shell was given a chance, given love and comfort and help. And although she didn’t survive ~ she was surrounded with love and dignity when her time came.
You did your very best for her and if love alone, had had been able to cure, then she would have survived.
Thank you for all you did. I for one will not forget little Shell and will always reach out to any animal in need in her memory.
Sending you love and (((((hugs)))))
Jan
Milo and Alfie send purrs.
So sorry to hear about your special girl. Thanks for giving her some big love in her little life.
Julie and Poppy Q
xxx
We are so sorry that you have lost Shell but you gave her so much love and care in her last few weeks she will watch over you from the Bridge with many happy memories of the time she spent with you.
Bless you.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
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We’re so deeply sorry, but know there was nothing else to be done for her and that she finally is at peace and free of suffering. You gave her such an abundance of love…and gave her a final, best gift, acted for *her* Highest Good.
Wishing you Blessings and Peace and sending universal Light and soft purrs.
-Nicki, Derry and mom Kim
We are sad to know that Shell has left this world. But glad to know you gave her your love. We know how comforting that is. And don’t worry. We are all rescued cats, and our Mom loves us and takes good care. Rest in Peace, Sweet Shell.
I’m really sorry to hear about Shell. I guess the number of years alive isn’t as important as the amount of love received.
You should take at least some comfort in knowing that she went to the bridge feeling loved and wanted and cherished.
As every cat should.
Hugs…
I am so sorry. Thank you for letting Shell know love, comfort and a full belly before she had to go to the Bridge. Rest in Peace, sweet Shell. You touched a lot of lives.
Shell has found her forever home within your heart.
Mom and I are so very very sorry. Run free of all your suffering, sweet Shell. Your love must have made such a difference to her.
Oh Nooos, our Mom is so very sad. MaryAnn, you sure did fight for that little one and she did have a good life at the end. At least she knew love for a little while. We send you tons of purrs and big hugs for all your wonderful help to Shell. Take care.
I am so very, very sorry. Our whiskers are so weepy wet here. Run free sweet Shell, the world loves you.
Oh no. Me and Charlie are so sorry. We are so sorry. 🙁 We just heard from CB about Shell. Sweet beautiful dear Shell. We are so so so so sorry. Take care
x
Tears of love for Shell and you, MA. You and Shell were cut from the same cloth… fighters, believers, lovers–how wonderful that you were given to each other as a gift in time. Now nothing can change the beautiful history you created together. You had Shell’s back in a way so many beloved animals never get to experience–and now she has yours! And she will be with you and the rest of the family. We will all get to meet and love on Shell some day–I like that idea! Shell is well at last…
She got to know love – thru you. I am so sorry.
(((hugs)))
Sweet Shell, fly free baby girl, whole and healthy again. We will miss you so. I am so glad that you had so much love and support before leaving us.
Weepy tears and purrs and hugs for you and your family.
Oh no…we have been following Shell’s story even though we always haven’t left comments. We were so hoping she would be that miracle. But knowing that was not to be, we have no words except we are so very sorry. You did so much to try to help her. But the one thing you did give her was love and that she knew.
Run free Sweet Shell…you are whole now.
Hugs and purrs to you, MaryAnn.
Wally, Ernie, Zoey and mom Sue