This morning, I found the following memo from my group on my pillow. Apparently, my crew has decided that being human means I must also be weak. Therefore, they have banded together to create their New Year’s Resolutions just for me:

“More canned food please. Dry food is good for our teeth, but we like canned food so much better. Maybe you should go out and find a better job so we can be kept in the style we choose to be kept in. We like it when you feed us canned food twice a week, especially when one of us nudges your hand and food bumps out and gets all over the kitties below! This means that later, we can perform mutual grooming with benefits!

No more kitties! Come on Mom, you keep telling us that you won’t take anymore and then we wake up and find strange kitties in our beds! Either stop sharing your wonderfullness with other kitties, or buy us more cat beds!

Petting Sessions- we like it when you pet us, but no more clipping the claws and grooming our fur! God gave us ample tools for the job of grooming and some of those grooming combs and brushes- they cramp our style!

Can you stop Charile theTerrorHisst from taking our spot in the sun? I mean really Mom, how much more sun does one cat need? He is already golden-colored anyway. Looks to us like our Fearless Leader has been kissed by the sun too many times already!

More bugs! Don’t be such a Neat Nellie in the house. Let those cobwebs form in the corners and on the walls. We will be happy to be your spider and fly catchers. We do the job nicely, aren’t toxic to the environment- and well…chasing bugs…it’s just pure entertainment for all!

Happy Mew Year’s Mom-thanks for Lovin Us!”