I am not sure how this is happening, but it is. The doors are slowly opening for me to attend a woman’s retreat the second week in October.

I am truly at a crisis of faith at this point in my life. I was a strong Christian back in the day, even being one of those annoying Bible thumpers on the piers telling people about the saving grace of God. Then, my son died and instead of my faith being strengthened, it fell completely apart and I hit rock-bottom at the age of 22 when I had to have a total hysterectomy.

In retrospect, I got angry with God for all the wrong reasons and my life turned into a horrible direction of addiction to so many unhealthy things. Four years later, I pulled myself out of the muck and mire, divorced my husband, found a great job and re-established my relationship with God.

I met Mike not soon after and he is a Godly, loving man- but then we moved to a town that is spiritually dead in so many ways and I lost the treasure known as daily fellowship.

That is probably it in a capsule and now I have an opportunity to attend a Woman of Faith retreat. I know we are stretched financially and we owe so many creditors so much money- but I feel if I don’t go to this- I could implode and that is the basic truth.

Losing the cats and kittens this year, seeing my husband decline so steadily and then the frosting on the cake, the phone call this week where the doctor told me based on the recent tests they have run on Mike, he stands a 67% chance of developing Alzheimers- my soul broke open and I wept to God to take me back as I cannot do this alone.

I feel selfish insisting to my husband that I need this. I can’t even begin to remember when he and I went somewhere together alone- the last visit was to my family a few years ago, and that was no picnic and certainly no vacation.

But my soul feels as bare as the wind on the desert- and the opportunity to meet with women of power that are also spirit-filled just puts a smile in my heart.

I know that leaving MIke to take care of things in my two-day absence is tricky. I hope he will forgive me for this “perk.” But I really need to get back to my center again. I do not like who I am right now at this time.

God has provided a cheap price on a hotel room-and one of my girlfriends also may be going which will defray the cost of gas. I am excited and scared for this to come about- because I do not know what the aftermath will be. What if Mike falls while I am gone? What if our bills can’t be met this month- what happens then? All these thoughts fly through my head, while at work they have knocked me down to just one day a week! That hurts big time- so is this Satan’s way of trying to stop me, or is it God saying that this just isn’t a good time? I am stepping out on faith and praying it is just an obstacle put in front of a blessing.

Time will tell-

I am also waiting for word if Leslie wants Fiona or not. She so deserves to be in a home where they can dote on her.