She would’ve turned eight years old this year. She never saw it coming.( Thank God for that). Had I been outside at the time and I had seen it coming, someone would have to be nice enough to scrape up bail money for me because I would’ve pounded the person who did this to her.

She didn’t deserve it. She never hurt or threatened anyone except all the mice in my field, and all the mice two doors down that live in the grainery. I know those neighbors will be sad when she no longer shows up to rid their granary of mice. Her sister Poe is still looking for her. I still look for her too- even though I’m the one that found her. I still resist accepting that she is gone.

I called the authorities, even though I knew it was a lost cause. I was right, they don’t care. In our county, you can kill cats and dogs as long as you don’t live in town. The only reason I was told that they investigate it is because firearms are not allowed to be discharged in town.

So my little black hunter Is gone, In all the years that I’ve had her, the only one she ever has really trusted was Kota. They were buds. Now she’s joining Michael and Jeremy plus all of her feline friends that have passed before her.

She will be missed even when she still had her wild streak in her. All because someone wanted to use her for target practice.

The yard seems as empty as my heart is right now.

This new journey with Bentley through the mysterious ailment known as Hyper-thyroidism, is a puzzle to put together slowly and with care. It turns out that old habits die hard, and his spraying issue has made it impossible for him to be in the cat room. My plan after that became evident was to return him to the cat enclosure where he’s lived most his life. (I have not been myself lately)  I gave no thought to what that would do to his feline friends until the next morning when I went in and saw the terror in Ashley, McGoo and Pigeon’s eyes. I can’t put him in the introduction cage. PIITA is in there. So I developed a Plan C. It’s only temporary (God willing) until the medicine kicks in right now. He’s throwing it up every time he’s been given it.

I took one of Kota’s old cages. The problem was putting a cat in a cage who isn’t used to living in a small cage. Although this is not small, they generally get a little bit frantic. Bentley already is frantic. So what I have done is, I found a smaller cage. I took off the door to that, and slid it into the bigger cage. I filled the smaller cage with straw so he could nestle down and stay warm. Thankfully, the cage is large enough that the litter pan and the water bowl and food bowls fit fine. He still has room to move around and when he wants to sleep , all he has to do is snuggle down in the straw. It keeps the straw from getting thrown all over the cage. It also prevents the litter from getting thrown all over the cage because it’s big enough to stay away from the water and food bowls. It’s not the Ritz or the Hilton , but it’s all I’ve got: he has recently earned a new nickname. I call him, “My Energizer Bunny on Crack!” It is very evident to me at this time why they call this Hyper-thyroidisim. They can’t cure it, they don’t know why it happens. Both cat and owner just have to learn together how to live with it. So that’s what we’re doing. At night when the temperature drops, I cover him with a heavy blanket.

Recently, I learned of someone who just moved in up on the hill next to me. The scuttlebutt about this elderly woman, os she’s a hoarder. She doesn’t hoard newspapers, magazines, books, quilts, instead, she hoards cats. Not only does she hoard cats, but she does not believe in spaying and neutering either, which doesn’t surprise me. Most people around here do not believe that that’s the necessary part of taking care of a cat.

Sadly, this rumor is true. This morning while I was walking then now healed, and very happy Kota to the creek, he suddenly went into stealth mode. He had alerted to the path that goes down to the creek.He was stock-still with one paw up. That his tell that he sees something. At first, I didn’t see anything, then all of a sudden six kitty heads come popping out of the bushes. Oh my gosh, cute kitties. Look to be around 7-8 weeks old? What I saw were two white marbles, long-haired tabbies. Two black kitties, one orange kitty, and one white kitty

I put Kota on a “down-stay. I started walking slowly towards the kitties, talking to them softly. The first ones to split the scene were the two black kitties. The others soon followed, all except the orange kitty. He let me get just a few feet from him before he turned around and followed his friends.

Why can’t people just spay and neuter? It’s such an easy thing to do and it solves so many problems. It saves so many cats. It makes what I do nonessential. Boy those would be the days.

I do know a lot of the people that live up on that hill. Most of them love cats and most of them feed the outdoor kitties. I simply cannot do this anymore. For so many reasons. If they get close enough to the house and get along with the other cats, then maybe I can at least get them trapped spay and neutered and released. But other than that, I’m not feeding back by the creek anymore. It’s just not possible.falling in the creek a few months ago has made it almost impossible for me to even walk back to the creek. I forced myself when Kota was on limited activity for two weeks. Every day twice a day, I walked him back to the creek. But I paid for it in the end.

I  had Ia recent scare with Bentley. Overnight, he went from a loving, wonderful kitty, to a very skinny aggressive, over-the-top behavior cat. He lost so much weight so quickly, he was spitting, hissing, growling, open-mouth, panting. I knew he wasn’t rabid. I had a cat when I was growing up that had rabies and I am very well aware of the signs and symptoms. Fortunately, he was not like that it was different. He bit me multiple times. He bit me so hard on my foot,  his tooth went right through my shoe, into the nail of my big toe! That was not pleasant for either one of us. I went to urgent care. I had to fill out the paperwork and the health department requires when a cat bites you it needs to be quarantined. I quarantined him and he does not have rabies. I knew he didn’t.

Took him to the vet fully expecting the vet to put him to sleep for neurological damage. Come to find out he has hyper-thyroidism. I have never had a cat with a problem with their thyroid. It’s amazing how different they become in such a short period of time. His T4 is 9.6. I have started him on medication. The first half a pill he took he threw up. Now he’s completely stopped eating, which is odd because before I swear he was eating so viciously I could’ve given him anything and he would’ve ate it .  He would not stop eating. He was so ravenously hungry. The good news is all his other bloodwork is great! For a 14 year-old kitty, that’s pretty good.

I was told to confine him, however that is not possible because he sprays like a fire hose. He was so unhappy being confined that all he did was cry and want outside. No eating no drinking, nothing just a very sad and unhappy kitty. I finally decided to just let him out and go back to his regular routine where he is outside in the morning, then around six or 7 o’clock he goes back into the cat enclosure. He gets his pill every 12 hours so I’m able to do that, but I have to roll it in tuna which is not very easy if you’ve ever tried to do anything like that. But at least he kept it down.

I received a wonderful donation yesterday from someone in town. Two cat condos. They were in pretty good shape, but they were also drenched in urine. So I got to work with my Urine-Off snd scrub brush. Now both of the condos are inside the cat enclosure. This was an answered prayer because my cat condos are totally thrashed. They have been in there for years.

Well  as I said before, this is the last month of my nonprofit. They will suspend it at the end of this month. I found out that after a year when they go to update their website, my address will no longer be available or my phone number.

I hope this medicine works for Bentley. The alternatives are the gel which is not that effective and doesn’t work quick enough. Radiography using iodine, or the surgery for removal of the thyroid. I can’t pill him. I tried to use those pill poppers. he broke those in half with his teeth! He’s not really a touchable kitty when it comes to his mouth and that’s probably because he has been suffering from stomatitis. Recently, I’ve been giving him powdered deer antler. Dr. Steve was quite surprised yesterday when he was able to actually look into Bentley’s mouth. The stomatitis has sank to the size of a penny on both sides of his throat .

Wishing ieverybody a happy And safe day.

I thought I would show you the startling appearance of Bentley:

This was him before:

I have stripped the cat room down to its bare bones. I am sure that Bartholomew will do some remodeling of his own. Right now he is settling in fairly well, although his eyes do not look like they are relaxed yet. So I am taking it very slow, he has bit me three times when he was outside, so I’m not taking any chances on petting him for any period of time just small pets during the various times that I come into feed him.

The vet puts him at three years old, which makes me sad because that’s a very long time to be a tomcat in this world today. Surprisingly, he had no open wounds or scars, however, he was full of fleas and he is packed with worms. His ripples on his neck show me that he has not been treated well in his life. He’s lost a lot of body mass so we are feeding him very slowly during the day so that he doesn’t gorge himself and get sick.

This morning when I woke up and went in there, he was sleeping on the couch. I was happy to see him up there, because there is a warming pad. It got a little cold last night. But then today it got a little hot so we’re in that in-between Indian Summer type  weather right now.

He is the type of kitty that when you have to kerp your guard up. Thick socks, heavy shoes and your socks tucked under your jeans. If he’s going to attack you, that’s going to be where he will zone in to get you.

Trust comes in time. Once his eyes relax, I’ll start really working with him. But for now it’s just in and out getting things done and leaving.

I’m not sure, but I think that Bartholomew is leaving me a very clear message that he was not happy having his freedom taken from him! L O L. My plan is to keep him in the cat room for a couple of months, introduce him slowly to my outside crew. Then take him around to the sanctuary and introduce him to them. See where he fits the best and go from there. Right now I am cleaning up the cat room and trying to remove everything because I am pretty sure he’s going to spray. One thing is during the rebuild. We did not do the cat room. I didn’t really see the point because feral cats and stray. Cats do spray both male and female and even neutered and spayed. They will spray .

speaking of neuter, he is getting his neuter this morning. He tested negative for all the infectious diseases.

Meet Bartholomew- he is one of the three strays that showed up right after the end of The Jamboree. This country music event draws people from all over. In the past, we’ve had entertainers such as Carrie Underwood, Blake Shelton, etc. Some pretty heavy hitters.

This kitty when he showed up, his balls are bigger than his head. I’ve never seen anything like it. I knew I had to trap him pretty quick because I think something’s  wrong with him. But he is very Alpha. He’s already challenged two of my Alpha cats. I have been breaking up catfights recently at night.He is little but mighty. He’s also loud, hence his name.

He was eating this morning and chasing the other cats away from the food. I have been working with him very slowly, and he was starting to trust me. I actually petted him the other day very briefly before he tried to bite me.

I went inside and fetched my top-end cat carrier, my No-Cry gloves. I figured that he would take-off the minute I put the cat carrier on the ground near him, but he was busy eating. I distracted him by giving him more wet food. I went to pick him up by the scruff only to discover that he is so depleted he doesn’t have a scruff. This kitty has no fat on him whatsoever.

I said a quick prayer slipped off my left glove. I bent over, I grabbed his neck as gently as I could, and I put my gloved hand underneath him. I  was able to put him in the carrier. He did not act like a feral cat when they are cornered. He didn’t rush the door or start going crazy, but he was yelling very loud. He was not happy that his freedom was taken away.

I called my vet to see if I could get him in this morning for a neuter. They can’t take him until tomorrow. I almost choked when they told me how much a neuter is these days $164.48!! For a 10 minute surgery, on a stray cat, who doesn’t even need a pain pill afterwards!

Because of Kota’s recent surgery, I have $12.32 left in CATS . In my own primary account, I have $18.50 to run for a month. But Kota’s surgery was paid for.

Please, if you have any coffee, money, rattling around in your truck or car. Or maybe some mad money stuffed in your wallet? I could really use it right now. More importantly so could Bartholomew.

When I went outside this morning to feed Momma- she was waiting for me. She startled me, she wasn’t in her accustomed place. She was waiting for me in a pile of brush that I had just cut down. This pile is  in front of her feeding station. She darted in front of me, but stopped short of going out-of-reach. I put her food down in the bowls. Glancing over,  I saw she was still there. Taking a chance, I placed my hand flat on the ground near her. I waited not looking at her. I felt her breath on my hand. then she head-bumped my hand!

I needed that this morning, this is the morning that Kota has his eye surgery. Even since our last visit to the vet which was just a few weeks ago, the growth has gotten bigger. He’s been pawing at it quite a lot. He also has been crying out in his sleep lately. I will be glad when this growth is gone.

Momma is slowly coming out of the shadows! She still won’t let me get very close to her, but I just keep doing what I’m doing and hoping it works. She vanished for a couple of days making me worry more about her. But she’s back now. Isn’t she pretty?

I just wanted to clarify something regarding the letter I wrote to all of yesterday. I am hearing from old and dear friends this morning who are coming out of the woodwork. Keep coming please!

Thank you so much all of you,for your kind words and thoughts. First of all, I am not dying! If I gave that impression I do apologize. I don’t think God’s done with me yet. Second of all, you can still donate to your heart’s  content. The only thing is it is no longer tax-deductible..

I will still be blogging. Yes, I have health struggles right now, but honestly anyone my age  has those. All I will say is mine are a bit weird.

I have done this a very long time. Virtually my whole life. There are slides (remember those?) that I have stored in a drawer upstairs of me in my crib with these beautiful long-haired Maine Coon looking kitties surrounding me.

My father was instrumental in teaching me when I was a child how to deal with wounded creatures of all kinds. He would walk to work every morning. He was a mailman. He would find cats and kittens that needed help and bring them home. We would embrace every single one of them and they would  became a crucial part of our family. I give him a lot of credit for how I feel about these cats. That feeling I will never lose . I will still be rescuing, but only within my circle. By the way, my Mother hated cats!

When I made this decision. (I actually did it a few months ago and was talked out of it) But this time when I made my decision, I felt such a relief come over me. It was as if God had bathed me in a warm light. I can’t describe it. I didn’t expect it. Thinking on it later I realized that I am no longer obligated. I no longer have to listen to the tragic stories told to me by people desperate to “Get rid of their cats!” I won’t get calls from Police officers to meet them at hoarders homes because of the “feral” population.  Gone too will be the situations that I have encountered which create  my nightmares. Situations that I have never discussed with anybody because I simply can’t believe them myself, much less understand how these cats and kittens survived them! When I started CATS Inc., so many years ago- my single mission was to take those others had discarded. The ones who had no hope, the throwaways.

I just wrote to someone about this. I told him in essence that in the work that I do, I am often dragged into the darkness of humanity. That Darkness is very draining. Generally, the proof of that darkness is either sitting in my hand or in a carrier waiting to go to the vet.

Rescue can eat at your soul, the only way that I was able to sustain my soul was through God. I am not a church-goer any longer. But I am a believer. I believe that in all things Good triumphs over the Darkness in the end! It’s a faith I hang onto tightly, especially in these times.

Sometimes these kittens or cats didn’t make it. But I truly believe that their stories need to be told. My manuscript has been sitting on a shelf for five years. Yes, I am old-fashioned, I am writing it by hand. My last manuscript got wiped out when my computer crashed. That will never happen again.

It’s time to wipe the dust off of it and get back to it. It’s also time for me just to stop rescuing. That warmth, that feeling that came over me, when I finally reached this decision, came from God. I truly believe this, It sealed the deal.

To those who are asking me who are left here? We still have Bentley (my distemper survivor) Magoo, and Ashley the fire kitties. They are doing splendidly. Even Bentley’s stomatitis has been on the run ever since I started adding powdered deer antler into his meals.

We have PITA-my troublemaker (I didn’t name her after the bread.) I named her that after I got her I will add she is a real Pain In The A$$ at times. This is not her fault. This is something that happened to her when I surrendered her to the Humane Society to get her adopted. When I went to see her, I didn’t even recognize her. The loving kitty who was snuggling on my neck was now in the back of her cage, hissing and spitting and lunging at me. I took her back immediately.

Pigeon is still with us. His horrible injury that he suffered years ago, the scars have never gone away. But he is a loving boy getting a lot older. When I go in the cat enclosure in the morning, he’s on the high shelf. It has become customary for me to go underneath that shelf until he reaches down and grabs my neck with his paws, and settles on my chest to say good morning. He is my Maine coon lover.

We have Salem, Twist, Poe, Old Man who I believe won’t be here next year. He is 17 years old now. For a kitty who has lived outside his entire life, that’s  a pretty good age. In the house we have Aspen, her sister Laurel did not survive her abuse. We have Addie, she is a tortoiseshell and she is a constant concern for me. Her treatment before we got her is something I do not speak of.  I’ve had her now over a year and a half. I still cannot pick her up. If I try, she bites me and I end up in Urgent Care. Her PTSD behaviors are off the chart, sadly this makes her unadoptable.

Our three new arrivals are “Momma” who I saw this morning (even though I overslept.) She was waiting for me by the fence. We have Bartholomew, he is a beautiful long-haired tuxedo kitty. I put him probably around a year-and-a-half old. It’s so cute when he sees me with his food. He lets out one quick, small mew-thus his name.

The last newcomer I am trying to actively trap. He is a little black kitten and it’s weird because he’s got the same colorings of Crazy-Eyes, except this little guy isn’t cross-eyed. The reason I’m trying to trap him  is because his balls are bigger than his head! I kid you not. I have never seen such a tomcat in my life and I believe that there’s something wrong with him. He also walks funny. Although he’s young, he’s quite formable. He even went after Bentley the other night during feeding time. His Alpha tendencies are strong.

So that’s why I wrote that letter yesterday. I will still blog and I am beyond grateful for those of you who have hung in with me for so many years, or those who have found me and decided to check in once in a while and see what’s going on. Thank you old friends and new for reaching out to me this morning. You really made my day!  Amazingly, I even heard from someone who I know from The Cat Site- where I was a moderator and that’s going way back!

Please know that I love you all.  Please donate when and if you can, because we really still do need the help every single day.

God Bless You-

Dear Cat-Lovers and Friends,

Over all these years, I have shared my passion, my experiences, Rescue stories, and love on this blog. I have included tips, tricks, and hopefully helpful advice along the way to those of you in need. I have tried to de-mystify, the rumors around these glorious animals. I have proven time and time again that it doesn’t matter what age the “feral” cat may be, they can still be Socialized just never “Tamed.” They are their own spirit, and anyone who wishes to break that spirit should not be working with them. I don’t even refer to them as feral anymore. I called them. “Strays with feral tendencies.”

I have developed wonderful email friendships to so many people I’ve not yet met. I have had the joy of meeting some of you in real life. It has all been quite the journey.

My heart has been blessed with my rescues who have come into our sanctuaries over the years. Sharing their lives along with their stories, I had hoped I was making a difference in someone’s life in the world (or more importantly in the life of a cat) and at times I have received proof that I did. The stories were never easy to tell, the cats not so easy to work with at  first  (Cyclone-Hurricane Charlie-Guinevere-)  come to mind here, to name just a few. Some rescues have broke hearts (including mine) Others touched  the whole world-(Shell-Prowler-Hissy)

My decision in recent days to stop Rescue completely has not been an easy one. But I have decided that it is time.  I am letting my nonprofit status lapse this month. I need the extra money for Kota’s upcoming surgery, that coupled with the myriad of health issues I’ve been facing for the last few years,sealed the deal.

I am so grateful to all of you who’ve hung in with me over the years. Sending emails and texts of comfort and support,  sharing your own personal struggles with me, encouraging, inspiring me to keep on going. Opening your wallet and your heart to our mission here. I love you all.

When I made the final decision the other day, there was such a relief that washed over me. I will still be blogging. My rescues are still here and currently there are three new mouths to feed. Well, actually more than three because “Momma” Recently dropped her babies.

Gone are the days when I could deck-dive with flashlight and canned food in hand, searching for kittens I could hear but not see. Unfortunately too, gone are the days of kind neighbors allowing me to do so. I am still feeding any stray cat that comes on my property. We’ve had three show up in the last two weeks. Mama is a beautiful Siamese. She looks Purebred. Sadly, she presents with so many feral tendencies that I can’t even get close to her right now. I have her on a routine, she has started to show up before I do in order to get her food, cat milk, and other goodies. By the look of her belly, she is full of milk. I whisper her name when I go back in the bushes. I do not wish for my cats to know of her existence. Unfortunately, she chooses to stay in the front yard near the highway, which leads me to believe she’s been dumped. The noise of the traffic should at least drive her in the backyard, but she’s not having any of it. Plus, now she’s fiercely protective of her kittens so she doesn’t want to be around other cats. I am feeding her in the thick bush back by my fence as far away from the road as I can.

It’s going to start slamming rain here pretty soon, so I have put a table up and camouflaged it, hoping it cannot be seen by anyone walking on the highway . So far she’s pretty wary of what she considers a new trap. I did put a trap out for her when she was pregnant, but she had nothing to do with it. In fact she vanished until I put it away. I’m sure she thinks this new contraption , I put together is  just another way for me to trap her but I know  she’s feeding a lot of kittens.  (I assume) Her hunger will drive her under the table and she will realize that it’s not a monster waiting to eat her.

So my work does continue, just not in an official capacity anymore. Those of you who are still donating will get my final tax deduction letter along with my thanks and appreciation this year. But please know this- every time, I either received a PayPal alert, or a package at my door. YOU made a major difference that day. Not only in the lives of the rescues here, but in my personal life as well. It seemed that these donations arrived at a time when I was struggling to figure out how I was going to feed or get gas money in order to take one of our rescues to the vets. YOU will always have a space in my heart for helping me to continue to try to make a difference in the lives of these wonderful, often misunderstood cats.

Momma’s Feeding Post: